my heart is so broken please help me?
listen I'm in my twenties the girl I love, well we aren't first loves of each other she an I split up a couple days ago.. and I know we aren't each others first love,,, but the pain is just as real as my first one was.. she was in a way way long relationship before me, 4 years, she was with me for 2, and she said she's scared to move into marriage or having kids with me and she sees that I am okay with moving to that step and anyways,, she said I deserve better so I agreed with her, and said give me a call if you want to act right and do right by me told her get in it or get out,
anyways after that we haven't talked and I don't expect her to come back thats how I am acting right now because I know that in life I have to be that way to be strong, I've been strong for so long and right now IM crying breaking down writing this I can't tell my friends, family or anyone about this co-workers nothing! sure I talk about it but actually I am crying I MISS HER SO MUCH ! why is it when I am savage and don't acknowledge someones feelings I can have them whenever I want why is it that, when I am actually considerate and nice (not a doormat) but a gentleman things blow up in my face.. I looked up how to get over heartbreak and I think of memory after memory after fuckkinnngggg memory and I .. whenever I stay focused on the day work and think about the future.. its so hardd cause I come home and I cry and cry I can't stop thinking about her.. I deserve better
I have been staying off alcohol and just crying and going for runs and jogs but after I run it catches up with me all the crying, I read the heart is made up of connective tissue fat, muscles , etc but I hear its mostly a skeletal bone not like your bones bones. but its like a muscle and bone that pumps that rarely tires its your life source I guess til you die.. and man I thought about this one as my wife someday!! my family.... and mannnn oh man... this feeling sure isn't something huh? I gues
I just wish I had someone who could share my pain with me ;( and I thought she would feel it for me, cause I thought we both could feel in each others hearts so why would you do this to someone you love? people are monsters I like my dogs they are loving ! man I am so weak I know but plz don't kick me in my balls right now ;( I'm talking like this online to strangers because I don't want my family to see me like this.. so id rather have you as a stranger judge me, but if you could please not
not judge me, that much and just I don't know.. I guess I just want someone to talk to. I WILL not talk to anyone I know. seeing me like this.. is completely weak. I only talked to her mostly.. I had some friends don't get me wrong,, I had an active social life,, but my girl... she tied everything together she was the muscle in my heart that kept it feeling HAPPY! and now.. I Feel like shitttt and I can't believe she didn't trust me man... HOW MUCH OF A ********** SUCKER I AM I hate this world
and every one in it including me. cause I m a selfish human too, and man do we suck.