The personal image always had an important place in human societs and minds. However, we live at an historic moment which values it more than anything. This fact made some of us compare ourselves with other persons who have bodies unachievable for almost any person. In some cases, it creates self steem problems can become something worse.
What grade would you give to this Paragraph?
Fatima
Favorite Answer
Without changing up your sentences structure or meaning, here is the paragraph corrected of grammatical and spelling errors:
The personal image has always had an important place in human society and minds. However, we live at a historic moment which values it more than anything. This fact made some of us compare ourselves with other people who have bodies that are unachievable for almost any person. In some cases, it creates self esteem problems that can become something worse.
However, even after correcting the grammatical and spelling errors, it is not a very strong paragraph. The sentences are too vague and it does not seem to be delivering any major point. The exact grade you get depends on the teacher. If they are lenient and award marks for effort, then you might get a B- or C. It could potentially even be lower.
But, do not be discouraged. With a bit of work and tweaking, it has the potential to become a much stronger and well-written paragraph. I would suggest that you take this as the first draft, and build up on it. Check your spelling, use stronger adjectives where possible, and fix your sentence structure.
In the future, try to map out the main structure of the paragraph before you begin to write it. This will give you a clear idea of the topic sentence, body, and concluding line of the paragraph. It will also help you get to the main point of the paragraph. Meaning is essential when writing a strong paragraph.
Hope this helped, and best of luck in future!
Gypsyfish
What was your topic? You've got what we call the "Adam and Eve" beginning. "X has been important since the beginning of time". Very trite. Start more directly- "Body image is a major problem for people in my generation. We see unrealistic images all around us, in magazine, tv shows, music videos, and movies. This creates self-esteem issues for many people, which can result in health problems from eating disorders, or in mental health issues."
Anonymous
Depends what grade you are in and what was assigned. Always use a spell checker.
Anonymous
With 3 spelling mistakes right off the top, you'd start with a maximum of 30% and then get less when I try to figure out what you are trying to say.
Anonymous
I would give it a C+ or B-