43 yr old female single helping 18 yr. old male to get into college, have more self esteem, has had little or?

I would not worry about the gossip and your parents shouldn't either. I have found that people who have a habit of gossipping are usually focusing on others when they should be addressing their own problems (which some of them never do). Don't let them interfere with your good intentions. I would talk (with the permission of this young man) to the school counselor to see what assistance he/she can offer to this young man and he/she may also be able to be of help to you with this endeavor. It's unfortunate that the coach wasn't very helpful and didn't have a more positive attitude. One of the courses in college that might be helpful to him is one that will help boost his self-esteem. His lack of self-esteem is probably what led to his bad reputation and attitude and probably played a key role in a lot of his situations including his lack of friendships . He needs to understand that changing his image and attitude is the key to his success in college and in other situations. Good luck in your endeavor.

At 18 years old a waste of time? Does he want help? More importantly what does he say he wants to do? I feel I can relate a little to this guy's story so far because even though I didn't go to collage I felt like an outsider in school and I also felt it was a great relief leave my hometown when I moved out. Once I did move from home I started running into better, nicer people and slowly I started learning that it was not my lot in life to be always the bottom of the barrel, treated like scum or so deserving to be no-body's friend. The army could be something for a young guy like him but I don't know myself as I in my case chose not to join the forces. If he gets into a collage he can get the hell out of that small town which hasn't been so good to him, but if not he has other options too that depend on what he is interested in doing. At 18 he is an adult now. His risks and rewards that are in his life are very real now and in his hands. Maybe he just needs help shutting out those negative people and someone to help him stay reminded of his goals. He should be happy to see that he doesn't need to stick around or play by the small town rules anymore.

When I was just a baby, about one to two years of age maybe, I had fluid in my ears and I couldn't learn to talk because of it. Can't hear anything, you can't learn to speak, right? Had an operation or something done so the liquid was drained out. Doctors asked my mom how far (educational) she thought I would go. She said, "Well, she's gonna graduate from High School."

Her answer surprised them.

Epilogue: I DID graduate from HS and I am in college now. The thing is, I had to apply for college myself. I got financial aid and I'm in the classroom right now (I really should be studying instead of answering questions though - darn classroom computers and the high speed internet!)

I'm an artist and am planning on getting a job in that field, mostly on computers. Taking Graphics Design, and I love it.

If your son has any problems with other students, like students picking on him or teasing him, don't worry. In college, they don't do that. College is a whole different ball game than high school. Students are more focused on their studies than to pick on other students. In other words, they all grow up. No more childish antics.

In high school, it's okay if you miss classes, but in college if you miss a class it could be counted into your grade. You might miss a day or two if you get sick or something, and you'd have the doctor's excuse to cover it. BUT if you continuously miss classes, and worse you're doing it on purpose, then it's a sign that you're wasting your tuition money and you don't want to be in college. College takes determination and hard work. There's no such thing as an 'EASY A' or an overnight success.

If your son wants that diploma, and he's determined to get it, then fill out that financial aid form and send it in, and apply for classes this fall! You've got a lot of work to do! Good luck, and have fun! Everybody needs a little help sometimes. There's no shame in asking for help, it's only a shame to stay helpless. After all, what are friends for? They're there to catch you if you fall, to guide you when you're lost, to make you laugh when you're about to cry (the might even make you laugh so hard, you cry anyway!)

I say support him. Help him out and guide him along the way. He'll thank you for it someday.

PS, I can talk of course, and hear perfectly. The operation from way back when worked. I just had to learn how all over again, that's all. As a result I was a bit of a slow learner. But then again, the tortoise beats the hare, right?

The only downfall is that I hate my voice! :)

I say help the guy. And if you are attracted to him....so what? Lots of attractive girls have been helped along life's road by an older man. What's wrong with you helping him? Nothing. I do think the military would be a good choice for him. Maybe the National Guard....a short tour of active duty, usually 6 mos. Then when he returns you could continue to help him with his education choices. Basic training would make a man out of him and you would make a successful man out of him. You just may be the best thing ever to come along for this kid.

When I was 15, an "older" woman of around 25 or so changed my life. Without her guidance, I am sure I would've spent most of my life in prison. Your young man is very lucky.

You're doing a good thing. Don't worry about what people think or say, follow your instincts. Your guidance may save him from a life of misery. I've worked in prisons for 23+ years, and I've seen more than my share of 16-21 year olds who are already incorrigible. You can talk to his guidance counselor, maybe another adult listening to what he's saying, and what he wants to do will help. Do be aware that the attention you're giving may be returned as affection. If that's OK with you, cool. But it may happen. Good luck, good lady!

Well its tough for anyone on this end to answer such a question. You are on shakey ground and in many cases unfair ground. Im sure several people will think you are doing something you aren't and thats unfair. But its shakey ground because you need to make sure the 18 yr old knows your true intentions and doesn't mistake your feelings for him. Especially if no one has ever taken an interest in him before, he is sure to think this is exceptional. Just whatch yourself and make sure you don't travel to far over the line. Of course things happen and only you and this boy can appreciate what is happening. Its a good thing to want to help and if you are in such a position and are willing to do so I think it would be wrong of anyone to say that you shouldn't continue.

Don't give up, sounds like he has had a lot of that. I wish other people would care for the welfare of a fellow man the way you have. My admiration goes to you. Unfortunately, people do talk, since there is no criminal action that can come of this, who cares what a small town has to say. Who knows, you probably are preventing another columbine from happening in your town. Instead of talking like people do, the community should be thanking you for wanting to straighten the fibers of your Lil community. I wish you the best, and him as well. Thank you foe making a difference. If you want to cover your butt, for fashion sake, talk to the councilor but it seems that that may also be a dead end.

Life is all about choices. Yours, his or someone elses. Everyone has the power to change. He needs encouragement and to meet with some successes. I am sure there are things he does very well or good. Build on those. Priase him for what he has done right. Coach him to coach himself positively. We are continually talking to ourselves all the time. Sometimes its just idle chatter. I want a coffee, or I have to do laundry tonite. But we are ALWAYS talking to ourselves. Have him work, and you too, to talk positively to yourself. “I am good a making friends.” “I can accomplish this task” “I will go to the college of my choice.” By positively coaching yourself you will move closer to your goals. Goals are also VERY important. Have him write down what he wants on paper and post them where he sees them every day. Have him ask himself if his behaviors, decisions, choices are moving him closer to those goals or further away. He has the Power to Change. That's the name of a book I read. It's not a sales pitch, but it is for sale on the Internet. If you want the Web site, e-mail me and I can send it to you. I don't want to list it as a source, because it may be considered spam. Good luck and best wishes.

You're a muture woman so there's not much reason to fear that you'll become attracted to him, but bear in mind that he's an 18 year old male. Most of us at that age find older women very attractive and if you shower him with attention, then he may just start thinking it's more than kindness. I don't think you should give up on him, it's nice to have someone to push and motivate you, but please be careful how you go about doing it. Try hard not to give signals that could lead to wrong assumptions.

You are doing a good deed. As long as the guys mother is ok with that, I wouldn't worry about what people say.