How much of my (soon to be ex) wife's Infidelity & deciet was related to Major Depressive Disorder?

Question

Our marriage hit the rocks due to her & I being unequally yolked ( religiously) she believed in Christ, but she didn't show it with me.  She was diagnosed with an illness (Major Depressive Disorder) and she would hit me, say the meanest things and then tell me to leave.  I recently found the proof of her having an affair after at least a month of Suspiscion....She wrote in her own diary that I hit her and cheated on her & I can't figure out why would anyone lie to themselves through a devotional.  She is not on her meds anymore and I don't know how long she has not been taking the Zoloft.  I know I can't contribute her infidelity, forging and hot check  writing all to the disease, but I fear that the lover she moved in doesn't TRULY have a clue what he is in, & I also fear his violent  temper/ understanding may spark him to wail on her.  
I shouldn't care anymore, but I share a child with this woman and I wish I could know how much of all this Drama is due to her illness.

WiserAngel · Accepted Answer

I had a husband who had bipolar disorder.  It was severe. He got arrested, shoplifted, embezzled from his jobs, was addicted to porn, chatted in porn chat rooms and eventually met up with the women he met on line, screamed, yelled, lied, broke things, slept for days, had obsessive compulsive symptoms, was addicted to Nyquil, alcohol, etc.

After doing an intervention and telling him he either needed to get some serious help or I would leave him, he told me no.  So I left him.  He has a new girlfriend now and she has two young children.  I worry for them, but you MUST understand that this is her life's journey and it is no longer your place to save her or HIM for that matter.  Let them be.  You live your life now. I have a child with mine too and the best I can do is love her all I can, help her understand her father's illness and let them have once a week visits, but never overnight.

All of those things you are describing about her behavior are illness related. It doesn't help that she didn't seem to have a solid spiritual grounding either.

Good luck to you in the future. I hope it helps to at least know others have been through this and come through it ok.

Anonymous · Answer

I don't know how much infidelity was due to her disorder, but it really doesn't matter - she did those things, and any real change in her behavior or habbits is going to take YEARS.  Depression can contribute to people cheating, but they are still responsible for their actions.  Not all people CHEAT in response to depression, there are other alternatives - she could have turned to YOU instead of other men, she could have turned to family, friends.  She could have turned to drugs and alcohol (which would have been bad as well, but you get what i'm saying??).  She still had a choice, and she chose to handle her depression by doing something that hurt YOU as well as her.

Samba Queen · Answer

Dude, just let her go.  If she pisses this guy off and he wails on her frame, she'll just have to chalk it up as one of life's little learning lessons.

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How much of my (soon to be ex) wife's Infidelity & deciet was related to Major Depressive Disorder?

3 Answers