most amazing one-liner?

Lady Astor said to Winston Churchill: "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."

Churchill quickly retorted: "Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it."

"Elizabeth, your mother will never speak to you again if you marry Mr. Collins. And I will never speak to you again if you do."

Mr. Bennett, "Pride and Prejudice" by Jane Austen

The following is courtesy of Steven Wright:

Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

Ever notice how irons have a setting for *permanent* press? I don't get it...

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

And my favorite:

What's another word for Thesaurus?

I don't know about amazing, but it was definitely worth remembering:

Are those space pants? Cuz that a** is out of this world!

What's a dazzling urbanite like you doing in a place like this?

(from 'Blazing Saddles' by Mel Brooks)

Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal

My name is Lil 6oy 6lue and Ima HU$TLER

There is more than one way to skin a cat.........but the cat won't like any of them.

I Love You

Many times in my life I have been happy, but I have never been gay.

Do you know who you remind me of? Someone I can really get comfortable with.

"Brevity is the soul of wit." - Polonius - HAMLET