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ladies please help me figure out if it was me or her for our failed marrige.and what was she thinking?
i met my soon to be ex wife in 2000.she was living on her own in her own place next to a friend i was staying with.she had a 2 year old daughter with a man who was in prison,i had a 2 year old daughter from a previous relationship.we lived together for a few years and got married in 2oo2.we moved out of her place and moved into a apartment next to her sister.things were good,besides the occuial bickering.she stated alot she wasnt happy.she compained about my drinking and blamed it on that.i cut down but got very rezentiful for trying to change me.this was how she met me.she liked to drink too but she was more and still is a pot smoker.i was a 3 a night beer drinker.in 2004 we had a daughter,claims she thought it would bring us closer?a year later,i came home to a empty home.a year later try again,found out she was living with the ex that got out of prison.she claims he broke it off with her.she leeaves me again and is now with some new guy.who has custody of his 10yr old son.wtf?
7 Answers
- sovereign_carrieLv 51 decade agoFavorite Answer
It's neither your fault nor her fault. It's both. Both people either help or destroy a relationship. Pinning blame means you haven't gotten to the real issues. The only person you can change is yourself.
She has a right to resent your drinking. My fiance has a right to resent my spending habits.
I need his help to help me change. I need to know what he expects, down to the very fine details. I need his support in changing my spending habits, and I want to change them to help our relationship.
There is no me or my, there is only "our", or "I need this to achieve this to make this relationship work".
A relationship is about respect, and when there is a changable habit which peeves the other person and there is no move towards change, it shows the person that you do not respect their needs. She needed you to STOP drinking. She needed to STOP smoking pot. These are changable habits and to be quite frank, they're not good habits to have in a relationship.
My fiance met me knowing my spending habits, but that does not mean that they cannot or should not change.
Like it or not, the relationship failed because problems were not identified, a solution was not brought forward, and no work was made towards real and permanant change.
- 1 decade ago
From how it seems she just wasn't happy with herself and she needs to take time to figure out what it is that she wants out of her life now she has 2 children and they are being moved from one man to another don't she know she's messing up the kids with her own bull they are going to grow up thinking that it's okay to jump from one person to the next. On this one I will have to say that it seems like her fault but you should have known something was wrong when you noticed she wasn't happy you can't make another person happy they have to do that themselves but you can add to the enjoyment of their happiness good luck next time
- 1 decade ago
Some people we just can't figure out, so do not try. It may be hard but you have to move on with your life. do not worry who was at fault, it happened, it is over, now it is time to turn the page, of that part of your life! Some one like her you do not want in your life again. because she may never be satisfied. Take care of your self, and start all over again!
- darlene100568Lv 51 decade ago
I blame this marriage messe up 100% on both of you.It takes 2 to make a marriage work and it takes 2 to fail in marriage.
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- 1 decade ago
I TRULY THINK THAT BOTH OF YOU ARE TO BLAME. YOUR WIFE SEEMS UNABLE TO COMMIT TO ONE RELATIONSHIP, EVEN THOUGH THERE ARE CHILDREN INVOLVED. I'M ALSO SURE I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT A RELATIONSHIP WHERE DRUGS AND ALCOHOL FEATURE PROMINENTLY IS A DEAD END STREET! I WOULD ADVISE YOU TO WALK AWAY FROM THIS MARRIAGE, "SOBER" UP, SEE THAT YOU ARE A ROLEMODEL FATHER TO YOUR CHILDREN AND FIND A WOMAN WHOM YOU CAN RESPECT. YOU MAY SAY "EASIER SAID THAN DONE", BUT IT IS SURELY WORTH A TRY? GOOD LUCK!
- 1 decade ago
I think she is in the wrong and that smoking of pot has had clouded her mind and judgement. Stay away and keep your kids.
