Guys...Have you figured us women out yet?

My mom taught me this..

"Happy wife, happy life."- use all your ability to make the one you love/like/lust happy and you will be happy for all time.

I'm 260 years old, and I have figured women out. Depending on the time of the month, yes means no, and no means maybe. No answer or rolling their eyes means no. Women feel they have the right to change their mind, but only after you have completed the task they requested.

When I tell my wife this is the last time I am going to do something, she translates that to mean, ok - it's time to get serious and start considering only necessary changes.

Women honestly believe they are saving money by buying items during a sale. My wife once saved me over $500 by only spending $1500! Boy, was I lucky that day...

Females lose all sense of direction the minute they get behind a steering wheel.

Women have the right to apologize - they just don't exercise it!

During their "time of the month," women undergo a temporary personality change; they are capable of killing, but mostly they only threaten.

Arriving on time is an idea - women can be fashionably late up to 90 minutes. Later if the man appears excited or angry.

Women don't sweat - they perspire.

Once women are faced with divorce, their vengeance hath no end. Those years of "marital bliss" mean nothing, and the male, if he's smart, will move to another country.

Women are good at figuring puzzles.

If women could change things, cars would be characterized not by name, but by color, and toilet seats wouldn't have a hinge.

According to women, the amount of money in the checking account is directly tied to the amount of checks left in the book.

Most ladies are better at using math than they are credited with.

And finally, the woman you dated is not the woman you marry!

Mostly I've figured out that we have a wonderful relationship, and we stand side-by-side in everything. We don't argue anymore because life is just too short. She's my number one!

What I've learned about woman, Pt.1:

A) You change your mind quicker than Cher changes boyfriends

B) Shoes are a girls best friend.

C) Here comes Buttercake, hide the rum!!!

Not a clue. I thought you were supposed to come with an Owner's Manual.

Cars are easy to understand. There is a manual that explains a lot and numerous DIY guides to offer hope and help.

You ladies, however...............

guys will never figure women out, women will never figure men out... you may think so, but the two will never fully understand each other or be on the same page...or the same book if you want to get down to it. STOP TRYING! don't worry be happy.

No, and I hope I never do. I feel he mystery of the female mind is to be enjoyed. Embrace the challenge guys.

Sure. But you think I'm gonna tell you, when I can get a dollar two ninety eight for the book?

You fall for good looking guys and attempt to fix their problems. Even gay ones. You are fixers, and need to solve problems. Men see you coming from a mile away and take advantage of you.

yes, the way to understand women is to treat them with respect, love and caring. There is no mystery in treating someone well and being treated well.

Yes. No. Well sometimes. I'm not sure. No. Wait I think yes. Definitely yes. Nope.