when did the first argument between you and your lover occur and what happened next?

hi my first arguement was with my first true love and it hurt me so much in the end i walked out and went back to mine to coll down bout 3 hours later my phone rang and we talked about what we argueded bout why we argued and then we made are feelings clear. the next moring he came to me and spoiled me rotton so everytime i hav an argument i always use them three rules it helps it. in your situation it will work it self out every one has bad patchs

Textbook is to reflect on the other person's view, restate that to him/her, explain your view (needs, exceptions, expectations) and then have them work through understanding and restating THAT. Then, you can together cite (identify) the features of these two views and what the impact is on each other. At some point both are going to have to make concessions: OK, you hate heights, so I won't ask you to climb Mt. Rainier. But would you consider taking the elevator to the top of the Space Needle? To the top of the Columbia Tower? (if it's all no's then you gotta wonder why doing all this is so important to you and whether or not your partner is being unreceptive. OK, now replace heights with something like smoking a cigar, some kind of kinky sex, any activity or habit. Money is a really touchy topic. Religion. To be able to share both your absolute (why I hate this, why I love this) and your willingness to hear the other person's reasoning, that is a relationship. Core feelings, core values. Muslims and Christians can get along, even commune. Terrorists and fanatics cannot: they're incapable of any other point of view. If you have a terrorist or fanatic for a partner who will not acknowledge your view, and your view is important to you, then you gotta be able to walk away--and tell them why: terrorism and fanaticism can only be changed by the person who holds those views; nothing you say or do will change it--you'll only hurt yourself. Those who hide their opinions are impossible to know.

I had a BF who constantly alluded to kinky sex. If pressed, he totally denied any REAL interest, and wouldn't discuss it. This left me with one conclusion: he must not be satisfied with what we have and is probably on the lurk for "any opportunity" ...in fact when I asked about whether he was looking, he said "I wouldn't admit that even if I were." End of trust, end of hope. The relationship was over, even though it took another 2 months to actually separate. Two months of gloom, doom, denial, anger. Could this have been approached differently? How "open" should one be if only one of you is being "open."

My husband and I still crack up about our first argument. We had only been married for a month or so. We were both full time students and had part time jobs--money was tight. We had very little in the kitchen. I wanted to make some toast one morning and was out of butter. My husband said that we couldn't afford butter. He said that "butter is not a staple of life". I was very upset and angry and threw a hissy over not having butter for my toast.

It was stupid and ridiculous, and we ended up furious with one another. 7 years and two good jobs later, we are never out of butter, and we're getting along great!

about 1 week after I started living with him

(which was the day after I went out with him)

don't remember what it was about.

but I do remember, I worked 3rd shift 5 minutes from his apt. and I took my break time to go home and apologise. he apologised too.

we've been married for 18 years.

true, a lot of it has been separation, but the point is, we got married.

it never hurts to be the one that big enough to say "I'm sorry"

who starts the arguments?