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Can you help me improve this introduction for a feature story. Here it is:
When a 16 year old young man is in the prime of his youth, he should be going to the cinema, going to partis, playing sports but Fredrick Joseph is restricted from those things because he is paralyzed from the waist down and confined to a wheelchair due to a fifteen foot fall.
3 Answers
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Fifteen feet is a long way to fall and you'd be lucky to walk away from it unharmed, but 16 year old Fredrick Joseph, now confined to a wheelchair, wasn't so fortunate. While other young men never think twice about playing sports, going to parties, or even to the cinema, Fredrick Joseph has to think about the paralysis he suffers from the waist down.
- MariposaLv 71 decade ago
While most young 16 year old men are in the prime of their youth and going to the cineme, parties, and playing sports, young Fredrick Joesph is confined to a wheelchair and is restricted from those jovial activities due being paralyzed from the waist down after a fifteen foot fall.
- 1 decade ago
it sounds like a runon sentence..."but a fifteen foot fall restricted Fredrick Joseph from doing these sorts of things. He is paralyzed from the waist down and confined to a wheelchair now, when he should be doing the sorts of things that many 16 year olds take for granted."
do you see where i'm coming from with this idea?
dianne
