Has anyone seen these before...?

These are all genuine extracts from letters of complaints to the council.

1) My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

2) He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it any more.

3) It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

4) I want some repairs done to my cooker as it backfired and burnt my knob off.

5) And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

6 ) I wish to report tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof, I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

7) My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

8) I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

9) 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are just plain filthy

10) The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

11) The man next door has a large erection in the back garden which is unsightly and looks dangerous.

12) Please send a man with the right tool to finish off the job and satisfy my wife