What do you think of my list of requirements for women?

This is hilarious! So, this woman I know <snicker> heard about your posting, and she fits all of your qualifications. She asked me to send this back on her behalf:

You must:

-Have perfectly groomed, soft, thick hair, never going more than two weeks without a haircut, and never going bald, even at the temples. No, you may not use Rogaine or get hair plugs.

-Remain perfectly groomed facially, with no five o'clock shadow EVER. No moustache, no goatee (unless on a whim I want you to grow one so I can see what it looks like, and then shave it immediately when I become sick of it).

-Have a gorgeous face, such that you could model, but not be metrosexual in the least. No plucking your eyebrows!

-Be at least 6 feet tall and no more than 6'5"

-Weigh no more than 190 pounds and no less than 170, with a perfect 6-pack stomach, a nice ***, and developed calves.

-Have straight white teeth

-Shave your balls and trim the hair around your genitals to no more than 1/4"

-Have at least a 7" penis (limp). Girth isn't as important, because I am tight as a gnat's ***.

-Be at least 20 and no older than 28

-Never be in my presence unless you smell good

-Never eat onions or garlic and drink lots of pineapple juice (I always swallow if the man is worthy, and can take up to 8 inches down to the balls).

-Have your own apartment or house

-Never fart or burp, and never take a dump when I am at your house.

-Never have bad breath.

-Never do drugs, never smoke, and never be drunk in my presence.

-Never gamble

-Obtain or be working on an advanced degree

-Pay all your bills on time

-Have an excellent credit rating, and the potential to make a great deal of money. Never borrow money from me.

-Have a nice car (late model, with a great stereo system)

-Not be an a**hole, selfish, controlling, jealous, loud, rude, or otherwise obnoxious

-Be able to hold a decent conversation on topics that interest me, and be clever enough to make me laugh regularly.

-Be able to dance

-Eat pu$$y as often and for as long as I want, sometimes even if that's all I want.

-Hug me and kiss me, massage me and rub my feet, do my toenails for me, with no expectation that any of this will lead to sex.

-Never suffer from erectile dysfunction

-Never *** until I have at least once

-Have a deep, sexy voice

-Take me to dinner at nice restaurants at least once a week

-Take me shopping with your credit card once in a while, letting me spend up to $500.00

-Never, ever cheat or compare me to other women

-Not expect me to cook for you unless I want to.

-Clean your own damn house

-Never expect me to do your laundry, but if I choose to as a favor, reward me with flowers and a few mind-blowing orgasms

-Accept me for who I am

-Not play games.

If you can fulfill these expectations, let me know, and you may be allowed to contact her.

:-)

**Edit--Well, you know how it is. If you can't fulfill all areas, it's the same as not fulfilling any of them. Good luck!

pretty f'in picky.

cook and clean but not depend on you for money so she's a career woman and your housewife/maid.

no hair not every woman is gonna be perfectly shaven all the time.

never complain well i ain't even gonna go there w/ you self-centered a$$

all the Physical requirements gimme a break a little flex man she'd need some sugery 4 all that and some credit card debt

Realize your role whats that f'in mean

and your gonna need to give somethings your self regardless of whether or not you want sex

wow...........i actually dont think ive ever seen one quite this long before.........

i personally dont approve of set requirements for love, but best wishes, dude.

but always remember that in the end, its GOD'S plan for you, not YOUR plan that's gonna happen. so lets all be nice to brunettes even though they dont fit the list. ;)

Good luck finding her. I have only a few that I follow.

Looks good.

Acts sexy.

Have a sense of humor.

Not too clingy.

Can have a decent conversation about real things.

Really nothing else you need other than these.

Sounds to me like you are a self centered pig. Like you are a GOD or something. No one is that special honey. Get over yourself.

Quite long. I never got a list and I'm happily married

hahaha a little too picky and demanding i see..but good luck finding ur dream girl..which no offense i highly doubt u will with all these expectations

hello... u can ask heaven for it.. there is no such perfect. Even if there is, there is never our share. Wake up dude!!

Wow!! U are one picky guy!! Good luck finding someone who fits the bill! LOL....

Your an idiot. If ya think ur God make the woman of your dreams. Till then you better stay in the bathroom by yourself.

I think it's perfect. You know what you want and you won't tolerate nothing else....just like me except my lists is way longer...lol

wow I possess everything on that list (where you think I got my name from?) except that blonde hair and blue eyes part :p

Good luck in finding her though. :)