My Grandmother wants to keep our family a secret, I don't agree?

Question

I recently learned my Grandfather was not my biological Grandfather.  I learned my Mother's Father was married and died 3 years after she was born from lung damage due to a fire aboard ship in WW2.  He never had any kids (or so were told) and his wife died shortly after he did.  But he does have a brother an elderly man living in Maine.  I would like to contact him and learn more about my Grandfather and our family history. 

 My Grandmother doesn't want this.  She wants to continue keeping it a secret but at the same time refuses to give us more information about him.  She said her brothers would be upset if this came to light because one of them still lives in the small rural town.  I think after this many years it's time to let the secret go.  It's not like we are still living in that era.  

I want to contact him before it's too late and we don't have a chance to speak to him.  What would you do?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I'm having a hard time trying to figure out why she would want this kept a secret....perhaps because if your mother's father never had any kids (your words) then none of you are really alive??????  sorry  I think your story is a little messed up

Emily L · Answer

My grandmother was born out of wedlock, her Dad is a welsh which we just found out about 15 years ago.  My great grandfather is never discussed at all, I only found out through my cousin.

I too have some searching to do also.

My spouse is from France so I will be looking into British rights being an aboriginal.  I have one surviving uncles that will give me the name of my Great Grandfather.  To me it is my motto of being proud of your heritage.  When I told my husband he told me welcome home!  Sometimes I think we have royal blood because I read a story one time about a lady with Royal Blood who would smell roses.

Is it an assumption that his brothers would be upset if this came to light?  Maybe your Grandfather's brother is your grandpa.  Why would it affect him at all?  Maybe he has something to do with it.
It makes me wonder.  Age comes with maturity, your grandma should set an example and make honesty the best policy.

whiterose1947 · Answer

Contact your biological relatives. But be discreet. There's no point in causing you grandmother any more grief. Once he's gone, he's gone. And there might be some medical history that you need to know.

Anonymous · Answer

Do know your Grandfather's name. If you do look up Births and Death's in the town's records and fined his family.Your Mother's name will be there too if she was borne in that town.The Navy will also have information on him.

gaijinojiisan · Answer

Just do it - but try to do it in a way that does not upset your grandmother. Perhaps let her think that you have given up on the idea and then pursue it secretly on the side.

Anonymous · Answer

Respect your grandmothers wishes.  Some families have skeletons their cupboards that grandparents do not wish to divulge. Should you go against your Grandmothers wishes and do it without her knowledge it may cause friction but if you really belive it is for the best, go for it.

xovenusxo · Answer

OK...i was goofing around in my last post so I am going to be serious....sad she does not want you to contact but I think the brothers will actually be glad to know and be helpful....she is older and stuck in her ways and may not understand how easy this all could have turned out

Missy · Answer

That's so cool you have respect for your grandma that way... That shows me, your a very good person ! I would sit her down 1 more time, and say, listen gma........ I really need closure to this......  PLEASE..... I'm trying to respect your feelings, but please consider mine as well......... My gpa just died........(4hrs ago)......I didn't make it to see him this Christmas, and im CRUSHED !!!

mosaic · Answer

respect your grandmother and do what you can without her knowing.

nicname · Answer

I THINK YOU SHOULD CONTACT HIM YOU WOULD REGRET NOT DOING IT IF SOMETHING HAPPENED TO HIM AND YOU NEVER GOT THE CHANCE



G

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My Grandmother wants to keep our family a secret, I don't agree?

10 Answers