well, my wife and I are not getting along well?

Basic relationship maintenance 101.

Nothing good that you appreciated having ever came easy:

1. Integrity: honesty, no stealing, no cheating, no monkey business that you would be ashamed of having everybody talk about.

2. Challenge: you are an interesting, confident person. And if you aren't, get to work. Develop interests, keep growing, encourage and help each other to grow.

3. She needs to feel special: nobody knows you like her, she's the one.

4. Respect: don't belittle her, don't leer at other women.

5. Intimacy: on your way out the door, take a minute to hold her and just look into her eyes.

6. Compliments: return them every once in a while. If she says something like "You a great...", respond "I must be because I got you".

7. Romance: when's the last time you took her out on a date? Sent flowers for no reason?

8. Grooming: dress nicely, take care of your appearance.

9. Manners; open doors for her, walk beside her.

10. Attitude: be upbeat. No dark clouds.

Rinse and repeat.

See if that works.

I have been married for 25 years and the conversation is not on the same level as it was when we were dating. After you get to know and live with a person for a long time, everyday items are boring (Honey, I washed the floor today).

We do a once a month date (dinner and show) and talk about everything at dinner. It seems that once you are out of the house and away from the distractions there seems to be more to talk about.

Why don't you talk while your having dinner - events of the day, news, a funny story, etc. Sometimes you have to court your spouse again, to make them and you realize just what you have.

She won't talk to you- there's a reason.

Love's eroding- there's a reason.

Something has died....... again, there's a reason.

None of us can tell you why, so ask her! I think that is the problem---- you are asking the wrong people.

Don't throw 20 years away.... that is an investment you may never have again. Put out some effort, it can be quite rewarding!

Maybe she got tired of talking to much. Maybe you didn't hear what she was saying. You can tell a person something over and over in many different ways. And if that person doesn't want to HEAR the other person eventually gets tired and gives up. Maybe she even feels unloved emotionally. Communication is KEY! talk to her don't fight with her don't do any blaming just TALK.

Have you been making regular deposits, or only withdrawals? Deposits are the things we say and do that make our spouse feel good, helps them and builds them up. Withdrawals are when we offend them, say things that are hurtful, don't help when it is needed, after time, just like checking accounts we get in the hole, and have to dig ourselves out. By doing what? Depositing! Get out there and remind her of why you fell in love with her, why you chose to spend 20 years together, why the next 20 years are going to be even better, and how excited you are about the prospect of growing old together and having such a wonderful time together. You can do this!!!

Twenty years are worth fighting for! Some people say you grow apart but you can grow together!! Communication is key!! But how and when is always the issue!! Sometimes women want to be wooed!! You may have to court her all over again!! You want to know more than whats wrong! Women that appear to be in this rut needs more than a quick fix they want talking and more talking!! She needs you to ask her something like Honey what do you need in this marriage to make you happy ? Let her know that you are committed to making that happen!! Women want to know that you are sincerely concern and not concern longer enough to get regular sex and your laundry clean!! You need to begin dating her and letting her know you are still interested in her and than ask her what she needs!! Women put a lot of there self worth in there relationship. You should let her know how much she means and than what can you do to make her happy!!

just simply ask her if she still loves you and if she wants to stay with you if she says no then let her go and take your relationship as 20 great years now its time to enjoy some party time and have fun maybe even date some other people. there is life after love. if she says yes than tell her that you want to make things right again and find out what is really bothering her and compromise and work on things together good luck

Talk to her, not just "hey what's wrong with you?" kind of talk, take the time to create an intimate setting, candles, drawn bubble bath, nice quiet dinner, or take her away for a night or weekend. Plan a time where no one interrupts you, just the two of you.

You need to let her know she can talk to you, and no matter what she says or reacts, that you will listen and not get defensive. I know it is not easy, Hey were are ALL human, that is our first reaction. But if you really want to know, fix this problem and keep yourselves together this is what you should do.

20 years is a long time, don't give up go to counseling sometimes you need an intermediary almost like a foreign language translator to help you understand what happened. Please don't give up marriage is a special thing especially one that lasts long no matter what it feels like now. You know it is always darkest before the dawn.

My advice is free! Look at your now and picture her 20yrs. ago. What about her took your heart in other words recapture the moment that brought your HEART with her's and became one. That's the joy of being married look back and seeing what you have over come together. Good Luck hang in ther and put God first, things will come together.