Someone make me laugh?

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.

She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune...

...the Wal-Mart manager runs out and unplugs the horse.

*And...*

A man was on a flight to New York from LA. He was sitting next to a blonde lady. He decided to have some fun, so he asked the blonde to play a game. The game went like this: he would ask a question, and if she didn't know the answer, she would pay him $10, and vis versa.

The blonde refused, and tried to take a nap, but the man, instead of giving up, said "I'll pay you $100 for every question I don't know, and you can only pay me $10. Okay?" The blonde finally accepted.

The man asked: "Who is the leader of Russia?" The blonde promptly handed him a $10 bill. Then she asked: "What is black and white and runs up hills backwards?" The man pondered on this for a while, then took out his laptop and preceeded to check all his references, email all his friends, and ask the question in chat rooms.

After an hour the man handed the blonde $100, then asked "What was it anyway?" The blonde handed him a $10 bill and chuckled.

LOL! I love those ones! Before anyone goes crazy on me about the 'blonde' thing, I just want to let you know that I'm blonde too, and I don't take offense to these jokes. It's just a joke! I agree that blondes (usually... Lol. I apply on occasion...) are not 'dumb'. ...K?

: D

Superman's had a hard week of fighting crime in Metropolis and is ready for some R&R. So Friday afternoon he looks up his pals Batman and Spiderman to see if they're up for going on the prowl that evening. Both turn him down on account of prior commitments and Superman is pretty ticked. As he's flying round the stratosphere letting off steam, he spots Wonder Woman lying on her back stark naked sunbathing on the beach.

"Hey," he thinks, "I'm Superman and I don't need those two clowns to have a good time. I can just fly down there at the speed of light, catch a quickie and fly away before she knows what happened."

So, Superman zips down, takes advantage of the situation and flies away at the speed of light.

Wonder Woman says, "What the hell was that?"

The Invisible Man says, "I don't know but it hurt like hell"

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“

a little word play.. might not think it's funny, but it gave me a little chuckle..

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, and dry cleaners depressed?

Laundry workers could decrease, eventually becoming depressed and depleted!

Even more, bed makers will be debunked, baseball players will be debased, landscapers will be deflowered, bulldozer operators will be degraded, organ donors will be delivered, software engineers will be detested and even musical composers will eventually decompose.

On a more positive note, though, perhaps we can hope politicians will be devoted.

A monk, a rabbi, and a priest are on a sinking ship. The monk go es, "Look, there are children! We must save them!" The rabbi scoffs, "Oh, screw the children!" The priest kicks in, "But will be there be time?"

you must know that you're going to get fired. did you're boss tell you? well you know what i am you're boss! and you're going to get fired. like any second now... wait wait. okay. no. okay the truth is i'm not you're boss but at least i'm not going to fire you but since i'm not you're boss someone else could so try not to get fired or well you'll be working for me and i'll fire you or maybe i won't.

this will make you laugh i think http://llamacouncil.org/content/view/16/1/

ask someone close to you right now...to *tickle tickle*

SHIZZLE MONKEY