help i feel like my bf is putting me 2nd to his ex wife or am i just being selfish?

I wouldn't marry this guy...

Stop! Breathe! You are not alone in this, I can almost tell you your boyfriend's actions because i have one that's somewhat the same. He's a nice guy and everyone knows it (especialy his ex), am I right? He loves his son, and wants to avoid exposure conflict; which is realisticaolly understandable...oh but not for us! Women want that security, knowing our men will back us up and pull out his shiny sword upon any threat to us. I suggest you rationally evaluate the situation before you approach your bf again. Let him know how you feel and what it is you want (be reasonable, he can't run her over with his car or cut her out of your lives. Don't let her and her envy (because we never let go of someone we've loved) win. She wants to believe that she's the better woman and he is missing out on a good thing. Don't make demands, Men hate that, forget what Oprah says. You cant change the fact that she's abitch, you can either fight fire with fire or exhaust her with your maturity. Show her you're not affected by her gossip, and don't give her ammo. Only speak to her when necessary and about the kid. If you and your bf live together, give her limitations and show her who's here now. ecause your boyfriends somewhat right, he cant stop her from being a *****, he can stop how much he'lll take. Continue to treat the child well and communicate with your bf. Men are not psychic, hell they never know what's going on unless you say it slow. LOL, At most, the 3 of you should discuss the issues, women find that they actually like each other aftrer their bitchy cat fights. I wish you the best in this situation, let me know what happens

Your bf needs to grow some sack. Your marriage doesn't have much of a chance under these circumstances. I would postpone the marriage until he could prove to me that I was more important than the ex. Of course the ex is going to be involved, there's no getting around that when a child is involved. But she has absolutely no right to bad mouth you and treat you like a doormat.

It's your fiance's responsibilty to deal with this since his ex is such a nasty person.

I've been through the same thing, with the ex calling all the shots and bad mouthing me in my neighborhood. When he saw that I was going to leave if things didn't change, he grew a set. Good luck to you and whatever you do, don't get married until this is straightened out. You deserve to be treated better.

You must remember when you start a relationship with someone with children you are taking in all of their problems. If you cannot handle that, you need to get out now! Since she was controlling when he was married you know that will not change, if it would have he would still be married. You have to ask yourself if it is worth it staying? Do you love him that much? He don't want to make waves because it makes it easier for him, you just have to be understanding to his needs. Try counseling if you think it will help, but since you are not already married, really think about it before you do.

Wow, that sounds so familiar...

This is what I did:

First I told her that when the kid is at our house, Their Dad is in charge, if she doesn't like the way I am with the kids, then she can take it up with him, not me.

Tell her that you don't want to be involved with any decisions so she will have to discuss it with him, not you.

You have to remove yourself from any contact with her and let him deal with her. That is all you can do is avoid her, and let him deal with all of the kid issues.

Once you do, she will have no reason to be nasty to you.

Because there will be nothing she can do to you.

Make sure you do not bad mouth her in front of the kid, that is the "worst" thing you can do . Focus on the kid and let them work out their own problems. As for trading visit times, not much you can do about that. But you can find some things to do by yourself and give dad some time with his son to himself.

Get use to it. It will not change. My husband recently stood up to his ex, and she blames me. The way I figure is that she is his problem. His ex does not control me and that's that. If his children are in MY HOUSE.... then it is MY RULES. Period. Yeah, it's funny, sometimes my husband would rather listen to me complain and get into an arguement rather than stand up for me or even himself. I just figure that I am a better person than her, and I know she knows it. If she thought she did compare to me, then she wouldn't have to try to make herself look better by putting me down. If she crosses me, I simply tell her that I do not tell her how to raise her kids or control her house, there for she has no say in what goes on in our house. Does my husband like it? WEll, we use to fight about it, but now he usually just does not say anything. Although, when she talks to him, he goes along with what ever she says. Is it right? No, but he says who cares what she thinks? SO, there is no changing my husband. And all I have to do is put up with this for the next 10 years. I just don't let her get to me anymore. She is not that important in my life. Matter of fact, I find most of what she says amuseing. That a grown woman has to stoop that low to make them selves feel good. Pathetic is another choice of words. Good luck.

He needs to listen to you. She is one of the women who do not want their ex but want to control him, and you. You need to let him know that he does need to stand up for you or he may not have you much longer. She cannot control your house and hers to. Joint custody means when the child is in your care he/she is under your rules. She cannot control this. He needs to cut the chit chat with her, and worry about your feelings. If he does not you may need to think if this is the way you want to spend the rest of your life.

supply up! Breathe! you at the instant are not on my own in this, i'm able to easily approximately allow you to be conscious of your boyfriend's movements via fact I even have one that is somewhat the comparable. he's a severe-high quality guy and anyone is super-unfold with it (especialy his ex), am I appropriate? He loves his son, and desires to dodge exposure conflict; this is realisticaolly comprehensible...oh yet no longer for us! females elect that safety, understanding our men will decrease back us up and pull out his shiny sword upon any threat to us. I recommend you rationally evaluate the situation earlier you attitude your bf lower back. enable him be conscious of the form you sense and what that's you elect (be clever, he can not run her over along with his motor vehicle or cut back her out of your lives. do no longer enable her and her envy (via fact we on no account enable flow of somebody we've enjoyed) win. She desires to have faith that she's the greater effective lady and he's lacking out on a physically powerful element. do no longer make demands, men hate that, neglect what Oprah says. You cant substitute the incontrovertible fact that she's abitch, you could the two combat fireplace with fireplace or exhaust her which incorporate your adulthood. tutor her you at the instant are not bothered via her gossip, and don't supply her ammo. in basic terms communicate to her whilst mandatory and relating to the infant. in case you and your bf stay at the same time, supply her barriers and tutor her who's right here now. ecause your boyfriends somewhat appropriate, he cant supply up her from being a *****, he provides up how lots he'lll take. proceed to handle the infant nicely and communicate which incorporate your bf. men at the instant are not psychic, hell they on no account be conscious of what's occurring till you assert it sluggish. LOL, At maximum, the three of you will desire to communicate the themes, females locate that they actually like one yet another aftrer their bitchy cat fights. I desire you the ideal in this occasion, enable me be conscious of what happens

If he cant stand up for you then you shouldn't be marring him. Its an excuse and he is afraid of his ex for no reason...he needs a back bone

Dump him, he hasn't learned to stand up for himself let alone anyone else.