So, my boyfriend says I don't know how to cook...?

Lol, no, but I understand your frustration. I once spent about 5 hours making home made spaghetti sauce for my boyfriend, who went to culinary school by the way, and when he tasted it he said, mmmm ketchup. I was so pissed. Five years later I still bring it up when I cook.

Your bad cooking is the perfect hide out for some poison, he won't be able to taste any difference. But if you really like him crack a cookbook open and take a cooking class.

No, just get a Ronco Food Rotisserie, and a Food Dehydrator

Tell him if he thinks your cooking is so bad that he can take over the kitchen duties. Buying groceries, Cooking, washing dishes, sweeping, mopping the floor, ect.

I think telling him to cook the next meal would be a better response!

No just read a cook book next time!

No just make a salad for yourself and heat up some wet chunky dog food and give that to him.

After you serve the food, crawl under the table.

He won't care if he's eating old shoes and newspaper.

Make him cook or order the same thing every day and he will be thankful for your cooking.

No just burn it on purpose or undercook the meat, he will learn better then to down your cooking.