How to get a 12 yo girl to sleep alone in her own bed?

Question

My daughter allegedly has fear of the dark and doesn't fall asleep until she has company, even with lights on. This is very disrupting to our normal family life. When she was younger she'd get up when we thought she was already sleeping, then she'd fall asleep next to us on the couch, we took her to bed already sleeping. Now she's too big for that, and one of us must go to bed with her, ending up sleeping there. Otherwise, she joins us in our bed. Does she have to see a psychologist or can anyone give me useful advice ? Thanks!!

Update:

Oh! (bell ringing) she's just had her first period! Who knows, maybe I should take advantage of that to "wean" her from sleeping with parents...

NONAME · Accepted Answer

This may sound like a strange question, but has she started her period yet? I ask that because I had the same problem as you and once my daughter started her period, she suddenly became a lot more aware of herself (Which is natural) and her desire for privacy began to emerge. 

We should have bought stock in nightlights. Let me tell you. So having the room nicely and comfortably lit with perhaps soothing spa music on would be helpful. 

The other thing we did was to invest a bit of money in a mini-remodel of her room so that it was HER ROOM and she felt more comfortable being in there. 12 years old is sort of an age where their little personality pops out and decorating her room "her way" may make her feel empowered and be able to get to sleep on her own.

All I can say is that my daughter is 15 now and I really wish she would let me lay by her at night sometimes. I am missing our "cuddle time" these days.

All that being said, I really don't think you have too much longer of this. Enjoy it while it lasts. She is not going to be mentally damaged from spending cuddle time with her mom.

justweird_sodeal · Answer

You have to stop sleeping in her room. You can go in there till she falls asleep, but she can't find you sleeping in there when she wakes up, or she will feel that is the only reason she was able to sleep. Once she gets used to waking up alone you can start staying outside her room till she falls asleep. You will have to be strong for her, she will cry and say she can't get to sleep without you in the room. Just reassure her that you are nearby and keep sending her back to bed. It will take time and you will lose a lot of sleep, but you have encouraged her behavior to this point and it will be harder to break, but it is breakable. After awhile you will be able to just send her to bed.

 If you can't get to the point of you not being in the room with her, you may need to seek counseling to help her with her fear and to give you the tools you need to support her yet guide her.

meandthekids · Answer

Just put her in her room with plenty of plug in night lights.  Give her some books or a CD player to play her favorite music so that she can teach herself to go to sleep alone.  If a toddler can do it, a 12 year old can too.  
Good luck.

Marie · Answer

Tal vez deberías llevarla a ver un psicólogo o terapeuta, a ver si ellos tienen algún método para lograr que ella logre vencer ese miedo que tiene a dormir  sola a oscuras en su dormitorio. No es normal que continue durmiendo contigo en tu dormitorio. Busca ayuda de un profesional. Te deseo mucha suerte! Saludos!

Anonymous · Answer

You might be able to reward her for sleeping in her bed, other than that you might want to enlist help from her doctor.

Anonymous · Answer

Get her a night light.
I would say...reward her somehow for each night she stays in her own bed...

♥me♥ · Answer

stay by her untill she falls asleep

r a c h e l · Answer

tell her that satan is under your bed but God is under hers

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How to get a 12 yo girl to sleep alone in her own bed?

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