What do you think of this story? What can I do to improve it?

Question

This story I am trying to write is about a group of 6 friends in college that go on a spring break trip and seem to have the time of their life. Everything seems to be going along fine when one night they all pass out from their drink, they were drugged and now they all find themselves in what seems to be a prison. Horrible conditions doing lots of labor and they are not quite sure of where they are and they come to find they were kidnapped and being used to create dangerous weapons for a certain country and the 6 of them find a way to escape, along the way learning more about how bad their situation is and it's worldwide effects. these six are the only ones who seem to have a free will left and it is up to them to escape and warn everyone of the terror that will ensue if nothing is done
store with 3 girls- my g/f will post as them and I will pst as the 3 guys

Isthisnametaken2 · Accepted Answer

Where do they go on their trip? Are others around them already brain washed? Is it a place that is beautiful but off the beaten path and they got a great price?

Maybe the drugs affect one of them differently. Someone needs something a bit odd going on.

What kinds of weopons? Biochemical? That's scary. How do they start to realize what's happening if everyone else is under? Does the process get messed up as they are being changed into workers? Do they see or hear something that makes them remember? 

Would anyone miss them? Why or why not? Or were they supposedly lost at sea or something? 

This sounds interesting, which is why I have so many questions. Just what IS going on here? What country? Why do they want to take over the world? Do they plan to have a population of zombies or will they rule them some other way? 

Maybe one of the girls is pregnant and that's why the drug affects her oddly (she didn't KNOW she was pregnant prior). 

Just throwing stuff out there. Keep it up! Could it happen...?

Roald Ellsworth · Answer

It would make more sense if they were nuclear scientists, not college students.  Why would anybody randomly abduct college students for a project like that-- especially ones who sound immature, driving around and drinking?  They might abduct them to do the menial labor, but the "certain country" probably has a large pool of its own population to kidnap and use for that purpose.  Also, that they happen to escape when no one else is able sounds far-fetched, but it's hard to tell without reading it.
I like your idea... maybe the students could be promising graduate students, who know a lot about nuclear technology?  Maybe, say, they've been studying in that field, and instead of a spring break trip, they're heading out to some secret base with one of their professors or something... and he/she gets killed when they're abducted?  
In other words, I think you have a good start here, but with some detail changes, it might sound more believable.  
Have fun!

ele · Answer

i think the story is superb but as far as for improvement u should more clearly describe their struggle & leave no loophole in your story so that no 1 can raise fingers against your story.

Answer · Answer

I love it. Improve by giving each character a unique personality or trait.

Otherwise, it's great.

Trending News

What do you think of this story? What can I do to improve it?

4 Answers