Does anyone know any really funny jokes?

A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked -

"Sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?"

Aghast, the man said, "are you NUTS?, that's robbery!"

The salesman seemed hurt and then tries again -

"Sir, since you are a bit irate, I'll sell it to you for 1/2 price at $100.00?

Again, the man replies bluntly - "you must be crazy pal, now go away!"

The salesman then reaches into his briefcase and pulls out 2 brownies and

begins munching away on one of them. He tells the irate guy -

"Sir, please share one of my brownies since I have annoyed you so much".

Unwrapping the brownie, the guy takes a bite; suddenly, the guys spits it out

and says:

"HEY," he snarled, "this brownie tastes like crap!!!"

"It is," replied the salesman. "Wanna buy some mouthwash?"

Story with a moral....

A fellow passed a house with a little red light burning in front, so he stepped inside. There was nothing in sight, and nothing there but an empty bare hallway, with 2 doors reading "Over 35" and "Under 35".

He decided to be truthful and entered the door that said "Over 35".

He found himself in another empty hallway, this one with 2 doors that read, "Over 8 inches" and "Under 8 inches".

Truthful again, he went through the "Under 8 inches" door and found himself in another empty hall, with 2 more doors reading, "Once a night" And "Over 4 times a night".

Still wanting to be truthful, he entered the door marked "Once a night" And found himself back out on the street.

The moral of this story is "Always tell the truth and you'll never get screwed"

There once was a Jewish family, a mother, father and son. The parents were really upset, they didn't know what to do... their son was bad at math. They tried having him tutored, sending him to special schools, even punishing him. Unfortunately, nothing worked. Finally, at the end of their wits, they decided to listen to the advise of one of their Catholic friends and sent him to Catholic school. The first day the boy came home, had a serious look on his face, went straight to his room and went to work on his math homework. He came out of the room briefly for dinner, and went back to his math home work. This continued for the next six weeks until the last day, he came home gave his mother a sealed envelope and went to his room. After this happened his father arrived, his mother opened the letter and to her surprise next to math there was an "A". She was so excited that she told her husband and they went to the boys room to show them how happy they were. They asked the boy, " what was it that helped you, was it the small classes?" the boy said "no" they then asked, "was it the one on one tutoring?" at this the boy replied "no" they then asked, "then what was it?" The boy replied, "Well, the first day when I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they meant business."

ok heres the best 1 i have a friend named brian who loves a girl named sidney

What eats cheese and says meow?

A mouse with an identity crisis.

how do u kill a blond

put a scratch and sniff card at the bottom of a pool

why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

It was dead.