Profilese to English Translations?

As I can't seem to find "official" translations for some of the more commonly used catchphrases found in personals profiles, I was wondering if folks could tell me which of these guesses are on (or off) target:

P: "Straight acting and appearing"- E: "I'm a closet case, even though everyone knows"

P: "Not into the whole gay scene" - E: "I'm so terrified someone I know will see me walk into a gay bar that I only hang out at straight bars"

P: "This is a drama-free zone" - E: "Girlfriend, there's only enough room for one performer on this stage, and that's Me, Me, Me!"

P: "No excess baggage!" - E: "I'm just looking for sex, and couldn't care less about you as a person... all the stuff here about wanting a ltr is just to lure you in"

P: "No fems, if I wanted to date a guy that acts like a girl, I'd date a girl" - E: "People might think I'm gay if they see us together!"