How do you let go of grudges?

You have already taken the first two steps to healing. Recognizing that there is a problem in your thinking, and then becoming willing to change it is key.

To let go, one must cease taking others' actions and words personally. Their behaviors are not "about" you... whatever they did, it is coming from their own perceptions, not yours. To let others live their lives and take responsibility for their own actions is letting go. To "turn over" others to their own lives frees you up to take care of your own side of the street. This means that one can forgive, but one doesn't have to forget. In other words, if someone has wronged you, whether it is only a perceived wrong or a real wrong, you can set your boundaries with that person and they will have to abide the consequences of their actions just because you won't have to allow them past whatever boundary you've set, but you can still interact with them on a detached level.

This is the "hard" part, at least for a while. One must practice loving the transgressor. Send a little prayer out to the universe (or just a wish if you don't believe in prayer) for that person to have all the things you would want for yourself. All the freedom from hate, fear, discontent, and poverty you want to be free of yourself. Love is the antidote to fear. Fear is the root of anger, hate, contempt, and all other resentments. Resentment is the key to poverty of love. It is possible to love others with detachment, and that is the key to relieving resentment. To forgive is to love with detachment.

1. start with the concept that by holding a grudge, you are not actually harming the person in any way at all and in fact you are wasting your own resources (time/energy/thoughts/etc) by holding onto a grudge and thus harming yourself repeatedly.

2. forgive the person. take an actual action to forgive the person. this may be by speaking to them face to face, and saying something like, "I just need to say this and really do not want any sort of response from you. When you were snide to me <insert grudge held here>it hurt my feelings and I have not been able to let go of a grudge against you, I want you to know that I am trying to do so and that although it may not matter to you, I forgive you. Will you forgive me for holding a grudge?" If you are not comfortable or able to talk with the person face to face, writing a letter may also work, and has the added benefit that you don't even need to give them the letter, you can burn it afterwards and be burning the grudge with it.

3. every time you think of the grudge/person, immediately change your train of thought. it may also be helpful to think, "I forgive/forgave the person." Purposeful repetition of thoughts can lead to changes in patterns of thoughts, which is what you are ultimately seeking.

4. I personally believe in a God who is good all the time, and with such a belief, i am able to logically conclude that if i have truly been wronged that God's justice will prevail and the other person, although they may never suffer in any way that I can observe, they may be brought to pennance before the Lord and be cleansed, just as i believe that I can be cleansed by His merciful love.

5. as with all behavioral changes, it takes time and most often there are setbacks that accompany progress. do not be discouraged by the setbacks and focus on the progress that has been made.

I would do is to close your eyes some where in a peaceful place with out anyone around. Breathe in through slowly and then let it out. Keep doing that for a while. Then start thinking positively about anything and focus on that positively things and once you feel you are calm and relax you can deal with the issues in the better way.

Another thing you can do too is to communicate with the person or deal with the issues instead of holding grudges.

Grudges are always bad, they eat away at your soul and psychological perspective on that individual. Everybody makes mistakes, and you should forgive them. If it's someone you don't like, or you have a huge grudge you just can't stop thinking about, play some video games, write something, solve a puzzle, do something to distract you. The best type of game to distract you from a grudge is an RPG. If that's not your genre, take your anger out on NPCs in fighting games.

Board games and puzzle games like scrabble have been proven to lower anxiety and to engage the person in the activity, forgetting about other problems.

ok, this might sound dumb but write an anger letter. Write out all the hate anger and contempt and then burn it. Then write some more, and then burn that. Keep doing that until the anger dissipates

It's ok to allow yourself to be angry at someone but if you don't release that anger in a constructive way, it will continue to eat at you. By remaining angry, you're living your life on that person's terms and you're giving them way too much power over you.

Who is it that said, "the best revenge is living well"

My grandmother always said, "If you don't have anything nice to say about someone, then say nothing at all'. I took that to heart over the yrs. When someone gets under my skin, I force myself to think of one nice thing about them. Sometimes it was only...nice shoes...but it did not allow me to focus on the bad, because I was trying so hard to find the good. If you do that enough times, you will automatically look for the good in someone and ignore the bad.

Give yourself some time to hate that person, don't deprive yourself of that =p but don't dwell on it. Eventually time will make the grudge fade, as long as you don't let the person aggravate you further. That's what i do, i just stay away from them and not give them a chance to get to me. You'll do fine. And what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. Take it as a lesson well learnt and don't repeat the mistake. At least the side effects were not worse!

Holding on to anger is like YOU taking poison, and expecting the OTHER person to die...

It takes some practice to let go...but once you've felt that anger..dealt with it in your head...then you begin to let it go...breathe in deep...and imagine all that anger going in your lungs...then exhale and imagine all the anger being blown out of your lungs and body....(we call it: "In with the butterflies (breathe in!), out with the bees (exhale!)"!!!LOL!)....deep breathing releases endorphines (your "feel good" hormone), lowers your blood pressure, and allows you to focus on the positive, instead of the negative...

Learning "letting go" and "forgiveness" takes time and patience...but it's WELL worth it! A YOGA class would be ideal for you....

You're just adding unneeded and unwanted stress to your life. Just realize you could be alot better of without this stress. I used to do the same thing. I think that if you believe in karma you can be at peace knowing that what goes around will EVENTUALLY come around to this person and you don't have to worry about it.

I've learned to think of it this way. If (knock on wood) I were to die at any moment, would I want someone hating my existence for hating them? Life is too short to be hating on others. Forgive and forget, and feel relieved in your heart. If just thinking about it doesn't work, learn to meditate. Meditation is when you relax your mind and focus on listening to your breathing or your heartbeat. It will put your mind at ease and calm you.