How do I stop my girlfriend from picking a fight every time after we have made love ?

Hey Romeo ~

Stay rational and refuse to engage - as soon as you ask why she picks the fight you are participating in a side issue. Tell her you love her and you love being with her but that you aren't going to have this discussion/fight/argument - you want to enjoy and feel happy about how close you were.

Tell her that you are starting to anticipate the "after" sex let down and it's making you feel like it's not worth it. Of course that will start a fight but she needs to know. Whether you two are together forever or not - she needs to know how her behaviour impacts on others.

If she's willing to have a rational, "I statement" discussion ask her to tell you how she's feeling. If you're right about the "dominated" thing - ask her what she needs from you to make her feel that you're not selfish. BUT - then you have the right to tell her how YOU feel too. And don't promise to do what you aren't willing to do. You have the right to your feelings and ways of expression as long as you aren't hurting her.

Wow - so easy to tell a stranger how to manage his relationship. Good luck!

well what are the things shes picking fights over? Is it something that will deal with stuff that happened during you guys having sex? Or is it just a random thing where she'll start yell at you for not picking up her dry cleaning last week like she asked?

Either way, it definitely needs to be discussed, b/c sex is a intricate part of a relationship, and if you aren't enjoying that part, it can indeed trickle over into other areas of the relationship. Ask her (at a time where you 2 are just together w/o any sexual activity at all) about it in a calm non-attacking manner, "do you enjoy our sex life?" She will hopefully reply yes, and then ask her what are the things she likes about it.

Tell which parts of her answer you agree with, but let her know there are some things you don't like, and bring up the topic. Tell her you love her and arent attacking her, but let her know it is starting to cause a strain on you, and that you are just trying to understand WHY it happens so often.

If she has any kind of communication skills and cares about you and the relationship, she will hear you out and try to work with you on it.

Hopefully then it can be resolved! Good Luck!

Maybe it's not so much the sex, but the whole experience. Your assessments are probably correct as to the why, but that's the easy part. She seems a little mistrusting but maybe is not able to say just what she feels, so she uses the time after sex because she knows you are not going anywhere and she feels safer. The solution may lie in your not bringing every sex act to a conclusion on your part. Make the sex not necessarily a sexual experience, but more of a sensual one, such as giving her massages, bathing her, hugging, touching, etc. Court her with words of love and seduction and plan romantic moments, talk to her all warm and playful, and just be the kind of guy that she can learn to trust.

Imagining that she agreed to change her ways.

The trouble is.

If you were to notice that she has stopped her behaviour, you still cant know beyond question that her issue was resolved. That’s a problem if she is suppressing her rage. Sooner or later it will again appear.

Rather than invent reasons for her behaviour in your own mind why not sit her down in a quite private place and speak about your fears.

Yes you do need to solve this as maybe one day after sex she will scream rape expressly if one day she becomes tied of the fighting.

If that happens, from the moment you first are approached by the police you will be seen and treated as a rapist, while they are building a case to convict you.

If she was my partner, she would not be my partner.

Okay, first of all, telling a girl she needs therapy is never a good idea, no matter how true it may be.

You should talk about the situation outside of when it happens. Find some quiet time and explain to her your concerns - don't get into your opinions about what you think is wrong with her. Just tell her simply that you have noticed she becomes hostile after you make love, and it concerns you.

Ask her what YOU can do to change this. Ask her what she needs from YOU.

(Of course, it's not YOU, it's HER, but you can't be telling her that - she has to come to that conclusion on her own).

Hopefully she will realize she needs help and will get it.

Best of luck!!!

Girls are hard to read, but you should try talking to her about it. If you don't know about her sexual past, you should ask her about it, try and figure out what is behind the fights she causes.

If that's too hard, if she picks another fight, try and level with her, talk to her about why she's so angry. You have to get to the bottom of this.

If she continues to have a bad attitude about sex and picks fights, simply stop having sex. When she confronts you about it, let her know that you don't appreciate the fights, and maybe try and cuddle with her after sex. Stroke her hair, her skin, tell her she's beautiful.

If nothing works, maybe she needs counseling, or call it quits. Try to talk it out first though. Try to help her!

Talk to her before you have sex. Maybe she doesn't want to but she gets to caught up in the moment and then is mad at herself after it's over. Also, talk to her about why she feels that way and ask her why she picks a fight. You could try couples counseling, too.

That is strange behaviour...post coital cuddles should be romantic and sleepy! Maybe she feels vulnerable afterwards? How about setting the scene beforehand and making it more romantic? Candles, music, oils, etc. Also, yo should talk to her and tell her how you can't handle her temper after each time you make love. Maybe she doesn't realise how upsetting this is for you. If talking to her could save your relationship, then I think you should.

Sounds like she has had some trauma in the sexual department. Maybe she is feeling guilty for whatever reason. I would discuss this with her, at least give her an opportunity to work with you, together in resolving her. Allow her to trust you and quit comparing others with your relationship.

Well, first off... be a gentleman and say I love you.... in more ways than one... I agree with your suggestion if she doesn't seek counseling your relationship no matter what will fail.. Be supportive, but if she is not willing to change your relationship can't be only one sided...