Life's Little Phrases: oops just checked my points need to answer some soon or will not be able to post soon

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!

Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't!

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Quoting one is plagiarism; Quoting many is research.

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

NyQuil - The stuffy, Sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room spinning medicine.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

God must love stupid people, he made so many.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.