How do I stop fighting with my mom?

Sometimes when you fight- you only fight because you always fight.

You no longer need a reason- you just do.

You have expectations that your mom will always be restrictive and narrow minded- never listening...

And your mother will always have the expectations that you can't be trusted.

You want to throw her for a loop?

does she drink coffee? Tea? any 'social' drink?

Make her some coffee and some cookies or something that tradionally goes good with cofee and "invite" her for a chat.

Ask HER this question.

Mom, how do I stop fighting with you?

Say it without hate, without anger, and see if she is willing to talk with you.

She may say hurtful things- but be prepared for them- and dont' react by striking back.

One way to get someone to cool off is to "Validate" them.

You don't have to say "your right, I'm wrong"- you just have to validate thier emotions.

Example:

"You are angry when you precieve me "Talking back" to you. I understand. you feel as if I dont' respect you. I can see how that would anger you. Anyone would be angry at not being respected."

Now you are not admitting anything you have done wrong- but you are telling her its ok to be angry.

When the other person feels you can understand them- they will let thier defenses down a little.

People say and do things to hurt when they are angry.

Break the cycle. Don't react back in anger- react back with understanding.

She may respond with a laundry list of your "sins".

Don't defend yourself. (sounds odd, right?) When you go into defense mode- it makes the other go into attack mode.

Act as if you are a mediator for someone else- you are not the person in question- you are representing them. do this little play act- it may help you seperate your emotions from the "mediation"

good luck

Start realizing that until you are 18 your mother is responsible for you and without her you would probably be out on the street. Realize that raising children is not an easy job. Trying to "do the right thing" for not only ones ownself but for their children can sometimes be frightening. Think about not being able to do something you would REALLY love to do because you have to be responsible for someone else.

I don't think children should fight w/ their parents but unfortunately it happens. Just listen to what your mother has to say and for your own opinion around that and what ever it is your arguing about just try to be more open minded remember parents want what is right for their children.