Am I wrong for making my daughter choose?

Ultimatums are bad in this type of problem. Find some one whose judgment she respects or who she knows is neutral in these situation. Sit down and stay cool discuss what is wrong in the relationship she will have with him. Let her know that you care about her, be calm about it when you talk. Present facts not what you think she needs to know because you deal not just with her emotions but yours also.

This man is wrong!!

Your daughter is an adult now, and is old enough to choose who she can and cannot date, but parenting does not end when a child turns 18. She will still need you, always, for guidance, support, love and understanding.

I am afraid that you have approached this from the wrong angle. Of course you are upset, as you should be, but not with her, with him. Do you honestly believe this fling just started?

I cannot believe she persued this man, although I am not sure she is a total innocent party. I do not know all the facts.

What I do know is this. He will cheat on her. He will crush her. She is probably infatuated with him because he is an older man and is showing her attention. This will not last, I can guarantee it, but the more you push her away, the more she will run to him for support, and you do not want that man giving her any kind of advice.

Does she live with you?

Just let her know that what she does outside your home is her business and you will not intervene, but let her know that no matter what, you are there for her. She will need you when this man breaks her heart, and she will not want to hear "I told you so." Just be her mother, and love her the best way you know how.

They are not breaking any laws, so legally your hands are tied.

I wish I could help more, but I think the best thing to do is watch for signs of abuse, and make sure she knows you are there, no matter what!!

Good luck!!

You are definitely wrong and I think you know you messed up. Your daughter is 18, she is just now sprouting her wings. getting ready to fly. At this age she is more likely to stand up to you and say how much she loves this jerk, she will be able to make him a better man, etc. etc. etc. Can you protect her from being hurt, maybe. Does she know what kind of a jerk he is? Did you tell her what he did to you? If you didn't. now is the time to do so. She is not a child any more, and needs to know the truth of what went on between you and the ex.

Remove the ultimatum from the table, be honest with her without being judgmental, allow her to make the decision on her own. Be there for her if she needs you. She may pick him, she may be hurt but then she will need her Mom to help her pick up the pieces and move on with her life.

Giving her the ultimatum will only push her into the arms of your ex. I know it must be hard to be supportive giving your own history with him, but cut all ties with him not your daughter. He is the one using you and her. Any man that would knowingly date a mother and daughter is not worried about the feelings of either of you.

You can express your feelings to your daughter, but remain as supportive as possible. This way, when she does get hurt at least she will have the shoulder of her mother to cry on.

That is just whack. First of all you say he is a alcoholic (BAD) and then your daughter who is 18 is with him, how old is he. Plus I just think that he is thinking that if he is getting the daughter then why not the mother (esh that is messed up). Sorry to tell you but you just have to get the courage to tell your daughter that it is wrong that he will do the same things he did to you and I don't know maybe lie about stuff, because you don't want her involved with him (do you).

In most all situations I will tell a parent to give advice but accept the childs decision. Here, though, I think you need to do everything in your power to get her away from the alcoholic cheat. Alcohol + cheating + mother/daughter.... this all seems to add up to eventual abuse.

You're so wrong. He's in the wrong and as a parent you need to protect your daughter, not throw her to the wolves because you disagree with her choices.

Ur concern as a mother is genuine and admirable, ur daughter shall come around soon.

You did the right thing and your daughter should have enough respect for you and herself not to be involved with your ex (if she knows about it), he might just be on a rebound thing trying to get at you and she don't need deserve to be hurt like that and neither do you.

well if you didnt tell her everything that you know about him and what he did. that might influence her decision. tell her that men dont change very easily if at all so that he'll probably end up treating her like he did you. sorry i cant be of much help : /