Help me understand, Is it a choice?

there are now more than 12,000 exgays in the USA . These people chose to be gay, then they thought beter of it and chose to not be gay. It can't get any simpler than that, really... its not rocket science.

Homosexuality itself isn't a choice. Study after study shows that it is partly genetic, partly dependent on the conditions in the womb, and perhaps aggravated by environment and experience. So to deny it would be to deny a natural urge, just like any other natural urge(like an urge to eat, sleep, urinate).

It is a choice like choosing not to eat(something) is a choice.

You certainly COULD, and people do go on diets all the time where they avoid certain foods, but it doesn't mean they won't still desire those foods(nor does it mean that they do fine without them).

As most of us should realize by now, fad diets are usually hard on your body and cannot be used in the long term(which is the only way the weight will stay off), meaning they are pretty much useless or only harmful.

As for people not being able to control urges, in early Christians self-castration was common to help followers deny their natural("sinful") sexual urges.

Self-control is required, otherwise.

The only reason you would do this is if it were a bad thing, though, and sex is a natural part of life(required, really).

Obviously, behavior is a choice. I could "choose" to have sex with and marry a woman, I might even be faithful, but such behavior would be foreign and unnatural to me. And I'd still be gay, because contrary to popular belief, sex and sexuality are not the same thing. I prefer to honor my creator by "choosing" to live openly and honestly, with a partner of my choosing that I have real love and devotion for, rather than victimizing my loved ones by living a life of loneliness, depression, and deception. I choose to exercise self-control by rejecting what for me would be a destructive "lifestyle choice".

I think it takes a great deal more maturity and self-control to reject peer pressure, and a set of "moral values" that value appearances over human beings, than it does to just buy into a belief system merely because that's what we've been taught all our lives. My values are about respect, compassion, love, being faithful to my partner, and "do unto others..." In other words, Christian values. The gender of my partner has nothing to do with any of these.

The its your choice thing is what hetero bigots hide behind, in other words...... you don't have to choose gay sex because your already hetero .....but your just wild! how ridiculous a statement! are you attracted to the opposite sex or hetero? can you choose to have sex with the other sex you are not attracted to? Everything is a choice but that's to basic for this conversation. Right wing sickos push the "they choose to be that way" because if the truth were told that you are born with all your male female and some both attractions, they could not "blame" you for being a "sicko" in their minds.....It has nothing to do with choice someone already decided for you.Trans gender folks have a horrible time and are the bravest people you will; ever meet! God Bless them

In my opinion, we are born a certain way but we do have a choice whether to act on it. I was born heterosexual but that doesn't mean I have to have sex with men. I make a choice to do that. We are animals with instincts, but we also have very developed brains and we make a choice to act on our impulses. People have a right to make whatever choice they want within the limits of the law. I have no problem with heterosexuals or homosexuals, but we must take responsibility for our actions and own what we do rather than acting like victims and thinking our actions are out of our control.

Your question leads us to question the level of adult accountability of some of these wild claims.

I think the claim of being born this way is mostly used to duck responsibility for ones behavior.

There are exceptions to any rule, and I am sure some stories will make one wonder.

I once asked is I was born liking redheads or if it was learned behavior. The long drawn out rationalizations said more to me than the actual details of the rationalizations.

i think the passion comes from having an opinion that is not based in reality.

When that delusion is questioned then the anger and passion rises to hopefully scare the inquisitor away rather than reflect on self and weigh if ones views have any real merit.

Orientation is not a choice. Within one's orientation, yes, you make choices. Or you can choose celibacy, as you noted.

Orientation is a boundary not of one's choosing. Not unlike a fence around a piece of property. I didn't set it, I just live within it.

You want to know the passionate feelings, but you don't want people to use "self" as one. This is an intensely personal issue. It's deeply passionate *because* of self and life. If you're looking for scientific or clinical reasons behind orientation, then those would have citations.

Understand....It's like asking you if you have a choice to be happy or unhappy. Full filled or empty. Live a lie or live the truth. Of course it's a choice, most everything is a choice. The difference is choosing to be something you're not (just to fit in) or choosing to be who you are on the inside.

By actual behavior do you mean having sex acts?

If you do, then yes, there is a choice. It is not the choice of being gay or straight however. It is the choice of being celibate or pursuing love. That's a hard choice for some. For me, it wasn't -- I pursued (and found) love.

If by actual behavior, on the other hand, you mean who you DESIRE to have sex acts with -- then no, its not a choice.

Is it fair to ask hundreds of millions of people worldwide to live unhappy lives, in order to preserve what some see as a moral certitude, but others do not? Because really, if you mean that we can just be celibate -- that is what you are asking.

If on the other hand you were asking a genuine question about whether people could change their homosexual feelings into heterosexual feelings, the answer is no -- they can only hide them, so that people who have been taught to hate feel better about themselves because they can't see them. Their choice is to be happy and make SOME others happy, or to be sad and obey the dictates of SOME others (though a different "some"). To be fulfilled, or to be empty. To be whole, or to be broken -- for if one is gay to pretend to be straight and not seek love for yourself is broken indeed.

Kind thoughts,

Reyn

believeinyou24@yahoo.com

http://www.rebuff.org/

No, it's not a choice. Despite recent claims, it is not truely known how you are determined; whether it is before or after birth, we don't know. However, you don't choose to be GLBT but instead realize it. You may feel different in childhood or adolescence but not fully realize your sexuality until later.

For me, there were always subtle hints that I was bi, and I only realized it since about a year and a half ago.

I hoped I cleared that up for you.

The actual act is a choice but the feelings of attraction is not but any one who is gay or lesbian is going to act on there attractions cause they need that closeness and want the pleasures just like us straight people.