What are some things you should not say...?

1) When shaking hands: "One two three four, I declare thumb war"

2) Demand an executive name plate that says "Big Cheese"

3) "Nice wife" or "Nice husband", referring to the picture on their desk. "I'd like to tap that".

4) "I got your nose!!"

"Are those your real teethe or do you have dentures?"

"Are you a man or a woman?"

"I just got out of prison and I need this job really bad!"

"Can I bring my kids to work with me when they are sick and can't go to school?"

"Do I have to wear a bra to work?"

"I'm usually running late but I'm a good worker!"

"Do I have to wear shoes?"

"I've had about 100 jobs so far and I hope I really like this one so I don't have to quit again!"

"I only finished 8th grade but I know I can do this job if you'll teach me everything!"

"Is there a bar close by because I like to have a couple martinis on my lunch break!"

"My drivers license is suspended for the next 9 months but I promise I'll drive really carefully so I don't get pulled over when I'm delivering stuff for you!"

"You should frisk me and check my purse every day before I leave because I am a kleptomaniac!"

"I usually have really bad gas so I hope you don't mind my spraying air freshener all the time!"

"I hope you have an Internet connection because I can't stand not being able to ask/answer questions on Yahoo! Answers while I work!"

boy your ugly

what happened to the horse you got the wig from

I was answering the question you asked

I was not speaking of you

you really pretty

smile

good luck

My lawyer told me not to talk about why I left my last job.

I intend to defraud this company

martini lunches are mandatory right?

I dont really have to do any work do I ?

If you were to hire me, you will have to wait two months cause I have some jailtime I need to complete.

"So, what your telling me is that if I were to get one of my fingers cut off in that big machine over there, I would be able stay home and STILL receive my paychecks?"

Do you mind if I take a hit off this crack pipe

Where is the bathroom?

AAAAA

Never Mind what was the last question?

sorry, i just noticed the school across the street, and being within 500yds of it violates the terms and conditions of my probation.