can somebody please correct this grammar?

It should be "a couple of college fashion shows", "TV" should be capitalised, "June" should have an initial capital, and you should probably just say "In June of 2005" rather than "This past June of 2005", which implies that last June was in the year 2005 and would be tautologous even if it were accurate. Also here in Australia we say "associate degree" instead of "associates". If that's what you call it over there then it's fine, but i imagine there should be an apostrophe before the s.

Otherwise it's okay.

Leave out the "Hey everyone!"

Leave out the "whole" -- "My modeling experience...."

"This past winter I've been chosen"

"Last winter" and "I was chosen"

"done a couple of"

TV

comma before "as well"

"In June, 2005"

"Associate's degree"

"Citytech, Brooklyn" or "in Brooklyn" (unless there are so many of these in Brooklyn that you are distinguishing the particular one you graduated from).

It looks fine to me except:

(a) You should write "a couple OF college fashion shows"

(b) It's probably best to write out New York City (rather than NYC) in full - otherwise it might look a little lazy.

(c) I think TV is probably better written in capitals, but in any case, again, it's probably better to write out "television" in full.

Pretzel is one in every of my least favourite snacks. Even regardless that it appears appetizing and scrumptious, actually, it under no circumstances tastes well to me. Unlike candy and softly-melting cookies, the prezel has a salty style that detracts it from the importance. In addition, the longevity is hard given that of salt crystals at the pretzel. The rationale that I do not like pretzel is given that of its salty style and roughness. Even while I devour a couple of pretzles, I as a rule consider that they stupid my style. There are tons of pretzles in my condominium, however I choose candy cookies to tasteless snacks, so I do not devour pretzels in any respect Moreover, the salt crystals, make my hands consider hard and coarse. Therefore, I do not like pretzel in any respect.

looks okay actually. What about using 'television' instead of 'tv' bit old worldy but better