Why did bob saget insert his giant pair of disfigured giraffes in my “pocket”?

because john stamos used all the lube on his hair

The Saginator is having a hard time coping with his lack of celebrity and was trying his best to create a "Funniest Home Video" in order to garner the $10,000 prize. Another failed attempt at humor was trying to feed a Whopper to Mary-Kate Olsen so the world could watch her puke, that burger ended up on Hasselhoff's floor and you know how that turned out. His next shenanigans involve a forklift, Liberace's coffin and playing ding dong ditch at Rosie's summer home in the Hamptons.

Because if he didn't do that, purple mammoths could attack you and you know you can't do the tango.