Is this wrong of me to NOT be in my sisters wedding?

Stick to your guns, don't go because you feel you have to... You obviously have good reasons for how you feel about your family, and yes, they are family, but they still have the responsibility of treating you with respect. If you are not comfortable going, if you think it would set back your growth, don't go. I understand how much hurt your own family can inflict on you, and how much pain they can cram into a single event for me.

You need to take care of yourself, because they certainly haven't been.

If you feel that this is their way of trying to coax you back, and you want to see if things have changed, then by all means, go. But it is also your sisters day, however unpleasant she may be (I have a lot of evil ones, I get it lol), and going may drag up a lot of nasty stuff.

In the end you have to be comfortable with your choice and with yourself.

Good luck, *hugs*

If you truly still wish to have nothing to do with them, then you have the right to maintain the distance that you and they have constructed. I understand how blood relations can mean very little or even nothing at all, and if there is not a bond outside of the fact that you are related by birth, then you have no obligation to them.

I would not be mean about turning them down for the opportunity to be with them at this time, but I would tell them that you are unable to make it for the wedding, though you wish the best. You might even send a small gift if you felt so inclined.

If the relations between you and they have improved at some point in the future, you can always explain how you felt at this time, should the situation ever be appropriate. Until them, you have the right to live your life the way you need to to support yourself and to keep yourself safe, healthy, and happy.

I hope that things go well for you!

This might be her way of trying to apologize, or trying to break the ice to work out your differences. You don't have to make any committments yet, but maybe it's time to talk it out. They are your family after all. The worst that can come of talking is you are right back in the situation you are in now (not talking). If things do start to improve after talking maybe you can attend the wedding as a guest, not a bridesmaid or anything. It might also be a good idea to do the talking with a family counselor present - someone who is a completely neutral party who can see the situation with a clear head, and have no vested interest in anyone there.

If there is any chance whatsoever that you will ever want to talk to your family again, you have to go. Your sister in particular will never forgive you if you don't at least come for the service. My suggestion is go to the service (arrive late so you don't have to talk to anyone if you don't want to but make sure plenty of people see you) and see how you feel after. If you still can't face it at that point, leave and don't go to the reception. Down the road if you want to reconcile, your sister will at least recognize you tried. All of this depends on how strong this mysterious fight was and the subject and how involved your sister was. If her role was minor, you need to at least make an attempt. If the fight was totally unforgivable even on her side, you may feel you have to make a point of not going at all. If you don't give us all the details, we can't really say whether it is worth snubbing your whole family or not. Ultimately it is up to you anyway.

I gather from your question that your family is in the wrong. I still would have liked to know what they did that was so wrong. And if it's your immediate family or every single branch of your family tree and all your cousins to equal up 47 people... I'd also like to know if your family even knows what you think of them.

Anyways, if your sister really wanted you at your wedding, she probably would have apologized and used her wedding as a bridge to repair your relationship. Consider if she really wanted to send you that invitation, or if someone made her. Consider what her fiancé must think, who for more than 8 months has never seen (or perhaps even heard) of you. Consider the effort she took to send you that. Think about the fact that you haven't changed your e-mail in eight months. If you wanted to escape your family completely, wouldn't you have done that?

It seems like you have already made up your mind about not going to the wedding. But remember, people can change. For the better. And the fact that sometimes their pride keeps them from admitting how wrong they were. I know that any clichéd saying about family isn't going to sway you, but they're not there to torment you.

Furthermore, no 8 months of accomplishments equal 21 years of having a family. That's just mathematics. I'm not pretending to understand your pain. I'm just hoping you realize that anger is a prison and forgiveness is the only freedom from that. And that solidarity never creates as much strength as your ties to your family.

Is it wrong of you not to put aside your feelings? No. If you're heart isn't in it, if you can't go there and wish them happiness, then it's best if you don't go.

My question for you: Is it right of you to avoid them so completely? To physically run so far and so well that they can't possibly reach you? Your opinions and feelings are valid and they deserve to be heard by your family.

(And to completely be contrary to my own post, I understand the need to never talk to certain members of one's family. Some people arn't healthy for you. Even if they're your blood.)

I'm sorry for rambling on for so long.

For you, it sounds like this woman really messed something up in your life and your harboring a lot of anger. I see no point in attending the wedding if it's going to make you more upset. Why do you care about attending the wedding of someone you never want to speak to again?

From your family's perspective, if you hate her that much, it would be weird and unwelcome if you attended the wedding with the intent of never speaking to her again. She doesn't want someone at her wedding who is going to cause family tension. It is better for everyone if you stay away.

This is your family. No matter what happens. No family is perfect. Mine is far from it. But no matter what they do, I always try to forgive them.

My cousin lies and steals from me. It's who she is. I hate it. I don't talk to her a lot, but I still include her in major events, (like weddings, holidays, births, etc.) because she is still family.

My aunt gets so involved with her boyfriend... now husband... that she completely alienates my mom. Making my mom very upset that her sister would treat her like garbage. But when she has the chance, she just forgives her. She let's her know how she felt. She knows it will happen again.. but it's her sister.

My uncle and his 5 boys (my cousins) boycotted my wedding because of something stupid about my other aunt. I have to just tell myself that they are just going to be like that. I won't go out of my way for them, but if they reach out to me, I'll show them that they are forgiven.

If you want people to treat you with love, you have to first show them love... not hostility.

My entire life, this has always been my favorite passage:

1 Corinthians

Chapter 13

If I speak in human and angelic tongues but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal.

And if I have the gift of prophecy and comprehend all mysteries and all knowledge; if I have all faith so as to move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing.

If I give away everything I own, and if I hand my body over so that I may boast but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, (love) is not pompous, it is not inflated,

it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury,

it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.

It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails. If there are prophecies, they will be brought to nothing; if tongues, they will cease; if knowledge, it will be brought to nothing.

For we know partially and we prophesy partially,

but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away.

When I was a child, I used to talk as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I put aside childish things.

At present we see indistinctly, as in a mirror, but then face to face. At present I know partially; then I shall know fully, as I am fully known.

So faith, hope, love remain, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

how terrible were they? look family is family and they are suppose to be there for you always, my sister put me out for her husband so she could be with some guy but i found out 1 year later, and she was mad when i didnt want to and acted like her man wanted me and i needed to stop teasing him, it was terrible. well i forgave her and she finally left him. she died when she was 46 from drinking and i really miss her. humble yourself and we shouldnt be all so proud. you will be the better person. open your heart and you will be free. i dont tell people ever about that until tonight i wish you all the luck sweetie

Maybe this is their feeble way of reaching out to you. In my opinion, it would be down right cold not to contact you. Maybe with the distraction of the wedding and planning etc, they'll be less likely to be so horrible.

Maybe this is their way of extending an olive branch to you. Perhaps you should contact them to test the water instead of making yourself sick with guilt and assumptions. Good Luck