what is the funniest joke you have ever heard period?

During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners,

asked her students the following question:

"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."

The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite."

"What about you Peter, how would you say it?"

Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table."

"And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"

"I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."

The teacher fainted....

or this?

A Russian, an American and a Blonde were discussing space travel. The American argued that because they were the first to put a man on the moon, America was superior in space travel.

The blonde stated her kind were going to be far superior to Russia and America because they were going to be the first to land on the sun.

The Russian asked the blonde if she was nuts. Didn't she know that it was impossible to land on the sun? The American asked her just how in the hell she thought they could accomplish this considering the heat and extreme brightness of the sun.

"Well, duh!" the blonde replied. "We're going at night."

I don't know if you will find this funny but i think it is.

It has been a very long and tiring day for this bus driver as he just took his last load of kids from school, as he is driving this kids home there is this little girl next to him who is jumping up and down practicing what she was taught in class, she goes like " If my mommy was a female dog and my daddy a male dog I will be a puppy."

If my mommy was a female cat and my daddy a male cat I will be a kitten"

The little girl goes on and on making the bus driver to be very irritated and the bus driver thought of asking the little girl a question thinking that it will make her stop as she won't know the answer, he asks "What if your mother was a prostitute and your father a gay?" The little girl stares at him thinking what the answer might be, and the teacher never taught her such a thing. The bus driver is happy that he finally managed to keep the little girl quite. But the girl start jumping and shouting " I know I know" then the man anxious to know " what is the answer? " the girl look at him straight in the eye " I will be uhm..I will be a BUS DRIVER!"

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel."

"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents."

"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37."

"Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead.

Why did the cat fall out of the tree?

Because it was stapled to the monkey.

a guy goes into a bakery and he buys 2 muffins...he's about to eat one when one of the muffin says "ahhh, don't eat me!" and then the other muffin says "OMG, a talking muffin!!"

the penis said to the balls..."hey lets go to a party tonight"..and the balls said "Hell No!!!"..."Were sick of you always goin in and Leaving us Outside Knocking ...

yo momma so dumb she sold her car for gas money...