Re-Married, Wrong Guy, Again? Is It Possible?

Question

I married the same guy twice. First time, married 8 years, I got tired of arguing with him, he loved his friends and liked his family. There was no competition, his friends always came first. Apart for 2 years. Now we are married again. But now, I can’t do anything. Things are the way they use to be. He doesn’t go out.. but now, I have to ask or let him know that I will be spending money and how much I will be spending. I can’t go to dinner with friends unless he goes with me. I cant see my best friend 4 hours away unless he is with me. I am really not liking the way things are turning out. He is not physically abusive, but very insecure. He won’t even let me attend college in the evenings. What am I to do? We have kids at home.. Two of the three will hate me!! Oldest will understand.

Update:

I hear a lot of suggestions in regards to seeking counseling, but if i need a counselor to make something work, was it really meant to be. Is counseling simply putting a band aide on things?

Rachel L · Accepted Answer

he was probably cheating on u the first time and is now acting through guilt induced jealousy...

G L · Answer

Without counseling it's going to only get worse.  There was a reason why you divorced him the first time.  His insecurities are something he has to deal with within himself.  You can't let your children watch you be a prisoner in your own home.  That's not what you want them to think a healthy relationship is about.  I remember my son telling me at the tender age of 3, when he got married and had a wife he was going to yell at her everyday.  I knew that was something I couldn't let be his idea of marriage.  So we went and still go to counseling.  It's a slow process on some issues but it really works.  If he won't go then he doesn't care enough about you or the marriage to make you stay.  You can't stop being you just because you said 'I do'

doing my best · Answer

I would suggest couples counseling.  If he is not willing to go you should go alone, that is what I did. My spouse finally came around and is going with me, it is the best thing for your marriage. The best thing for your kids is to show them a successful marriage. Talk to your husband tell him you want things to get better and ask if he will be willing to go to a counselor.  Don't give up on your marriage untill you have done all you know possible to make it work..good luck

iluvmeeee · Answer

u need to stick with your first instinct and that was to break out. the kids will grow up and they will eventually understand. u should make yourself happy and dump his *** again and then do what u wanna do (school) so that you can be happy

rodriguez m · Answer

what is wrong with you ? you made a mistake twice- wrong man.  leave this man for good.

Anonymous · Answer

you said it yourself....you married the wrong guy again, BIG MISTAKE

happypants · Answer

sorry, you re-married the wrong guy again.

he's emotionally abusive and controlling. 

please read: www.180nj.org

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Re-Married, Wrong Guy, Again? Is It Possible?

7 Answers