When should I do it?

Gay marriage is never easy, but in the end it's your choice. However, you should consider that most gay men don't want a MTF, so you are taking a chance that you'll never find another man willing to accept you for who you are. Perhaps waiting until January 1st would be a better idea, afterall you'll miss out on all your presents if you do it now!

Happy holidays!

Have you guys gone to marriage counseling? My husband and I struggle off and on and had to make a choice whether to stay married or get a divorce several times over the last 17 years. We've had some very good marriage counselors help us work through issues. It's such hard work, but to me it's mainly worth it for my children. I found that understanding both my personality type and my husband's personality type helps me to see how he thinks through issues and then we can communicate more effectively. One of the newest books we've read is called Love & Respect. It talks about what a woman needs and what a man needs and HOW to start working on those issues. Whatever you do, holiday season is really not the best time--they are so stressful. Can you two do the holidays without family on either side? Then you can have a lot of the extraneous stress lifted and just be comfortable at home either together or alone. Your question was WHEN--definitely not holiday time and perhaps after contacting a counselor for at least yourself.

In answer to your question, YES it does matter when. First, you may not love him but he may love you. If that is the case, his holidays will not be a pleasant occassion with his family if you spring this news now. Second, I was good to an ex fiance who just did the same to me two months ago. I can tell you that it is a painful experience and it will mark my holidays for many to come. What is the rush? If you could wait until now, why not a bit longer? You already said it was cold and insensitive. I note bitterness in your question. Does some part of you want to hurt him? I urge you not to be quick to do something you may not respect yourself for down the road.

I think you should do it know you are in the right time it is still not christmas and if he is thinking about shopping for something nice for he does need to by it anymore and it is good because people bring there friends sometimes to the holidays and he will be able to find someone who really cares about him then and he will be more happy then said and he will forget everything you did to him near the holidays but is good to do it know.

I would wait until after the holidays. You might as well let him have a decent christmas. After all, you've been married to him for this long and the divorce and all that other mumbo jumbo is going to take some time so if it were me, I would just suck it up for a couple more weeks then break the news.

I know its the holidays but if u cant handle it .... being with him then u have to do whats rigth.... then again if there is children involved try to hold off as much as possible. Ans maybe marriage counsling could help .... if not keep the family together possibly make the break up a lil easier in the end

Well, in terms of leaving him, I think you should leave sooner rather than later, you obviously are giving your marriage no chance and he deserves to find that out sooner rather than later rather than spending one more holiday season with you he will only end up regretting.

It doesn't seem like you care too much about what happens to him anyway, only the way you would be perceived because you did it during the holiday season.

You need to follow your heart, and if the marriage isn't working then yes, leave.Does he want out as well? You don't say. But because it's the holidays yeah it sounds insensitive but would you rather be happy i know i would. And if the family don't like you hell i then would leave to. Love isn't there anymore no need to hang on to something thats can't be there.Best of luck and Happy Holidays to you.

Are there any children to consider? If so, waiting until after the holiday season would be in order.

If not, there's no time like the present.

Be compassionate, but leave no doubt that your decision is final.

Good luck.

I say as long as you don't have any kids you can do it whenever you feel ready. I think the more civil it is done... the better.

If you had children I would say wait till Christmas is over. Let them have one last holiday (it is only a month away) with both parents.

good luck!