Broken Family due to terminal illness?

It is difficult to know how to cope with a bereavement such as this and your Aunt is doing it her way however unacceptable that is. It happens sometimes, people never know how they are going to react until it happens to them so try hard not to judge her. I worked in emergency admissions at our local hospital and a new colleague used to start laughing whenever a serious case was brought in, she couldn't help it and had to leave after less than a week. Take her to one side and explain how you feel and tell her that if she doesn't change her manner she will lose the whole families respect. As for the bank accounts etc. I would seriously take legal advice, the property, whatever it is, was left to your mother and would therefore be passed to you as her children and not her sister unless your mother leaves a will to say otherwise. Don't allow her to be bullied into signing anything.

All the best to you all.

Unfortunately, however unpleasant it may be, your Aunt may be the only one being realistic. It is very important that all these matters get cleared up before she dies. If it happens later your Mum won't have any say in what gets done, will she?

As hard as it is, talk through all these matters together to do the right thing for the whole family. You kids should get guaranteed part of the inheritence, such as a trust fund when you turn 18. Your Aunt shouldn't get it all. You all need to hire a good, independent (not your Auntie's friend) trust fund advisor to sort this out. Good luck!

I'm sorry your having such a horrible time at the moment. Your aunt might be lashing out as a way of coping. She has just found out her sister is dying and she is probably having difficulty in processing all the information and the only way she can cope is to think of the future when it will all be ok. Different people find different ways of coping and your aunt my not feel like she can break down and cry so she is looking to the future. She probably doesnt realise how hurtful she is being. I would sit down as a family and discuss your feelings and remember that your mum is still alive, you still have time to be with her and you should all make the most of it before its too late. I hope it all works out for you. Nicole

Maybe your aunt has always had some kind of feud going on with your mom and this how she copes with the fact she is losing her sister. She doesn't want to feel any pain in losing the sister she really loves but hates to admit it. As long as your aunt is bringing negativity to your family and home...keep her away and let her know why. Tell her she can only come around if she is being positive towards your mother. Even threaten to keep her away from the funeral if she doesn't clean up her act now. Tell her she can be mean later by herself.

No one on here is quailfied to judge. Everyone handles stress and grief differently. It must be awful to watch your sister die, she is possibily distancing herself. My brother died from cancer at the age of 7, my family went for 4 years of hell, unless you go through it you could not imagion just how difficult it is to loose a family member through cancer, and watch them die. Maybe suggest that your aunt have some time away, and seek some counselling, its called carers time off, your local doctors surgery will know of any volenteers or charities which can help with support and help.

I wish you all the best x

I agree it is very very selfish, but having said that, it is something that your Mum does need to do, and it would perhaps make her better knowing that all such legal loose ends were indeed tied up....but there is a more sensitive way to do it. Do you have a Macmillan Nurse or anyone that could broach the subject with her....other than your aunt.

Sorry to hear about your mums illness.

Regarding all things in your mum and aunts name I think that your mothers half will be passed on to your dad (if they are married) or to you and any other siblings....I'm no solicitor but I don't think it automatically would go to your aunt unless that is your mothers wish.

Sounds like your aunt is handling this pretty badly and the only way she knows how. I think you should step in and talk to her privately. Tell her that you do not want your mother upset in any way and any negativity is unacceptable. If she continues to act this way, she will lose whatever your mother's last days may be. Tell it like it is and if you have to be mean. Do it. this is your mother. Stand up for her. Best wishes to you and yours.

First off, I am really sorry about your mums illness. That s really sad.

Now your Aunt.... Your Aunt seems very very selfish and not a nice person. But let me tell you, you HAVE to get your mum to sort it out before she dies. Unfortunately when someone dies people turn nasty, and they take take and take, and sometimes steal. As horrible as it sounds try and get your mum to sort out her affairs before she passes. You will not have time to grieve if she don't, as your aunt will take control and confuse the heck out of you. It will happen because you will be so consumed with losing your mum, you aunt will take advantage.

My dad died in 2002, and the amount of worms that came out of the woodwork, as I was his next of kin, I got control of everything, but I needed help so I asked family. Behind my back they took his wedding ring, his bottles of whisky, brandy. His TV, video, they made calls on his house phone to EVERYONE. When my dad was alive he would not let them use the phone as they would ring mobiles and leave him as a pensioner to pay the bill. So they thought they had a right to use his phone now he's dead. They ripped out his light fittings, took loads of things. I, of course was left on my own to pay his funeral which took me 3 years to pay for.

Please please as horrible as it is, get your mum to sort our her affairs before she passes. You aunt WILL NOT let you grieve. Trust me

i don't think she means to be selfish,she is just trying to get things organised.it will be her way of dealing with things.have you tried talking to her about it?i would advise seeking legal help on the money issues,because it sounds like she wants everything,and i'm assuming your mum would like you to have her share.hope you can work it out.god bless.