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2ND Marriage + Stepson= 2ND divorce Help!!!?
I am in my 14th year of my second marriage and My wife and I argue about her son constantly to the Point of separation and POSSIBLE DIVORCE!! My Step son is almost 20 years old and still lives at home. His Mom thinks he can do No wrong. I raised my 3 kids much differently. My step son Works and makes as much money as My Wife and Myself individually. He will Not do any Chores around the House. She Lets him come and go without Curfew or Answering for Himself as to his wear abouts. He doesnt contribute to the Family Financially. He has his MOM do his Laundry. He Has his Mom buy his Food even for his Work Lunches. His Room is always the Pits. Mom Cleans his Bathroom also. I try to make him be more responsible for his self and his Actions and My Wife Jumps to his defense Saying Hes Still Young and Needs to live a little!! Or she will say Im not goping to make him do Chores or even pick Up after Himself HE MIGHT MOVE OUT!!! Any Suggestions??? Im 49 Years old My wife is 42 Years old!!!!
This has been an ongoing problem with my Step son over the Years. She has been over protective of him. And kept saying hes only 12 years old hes only 16 years old hes only 18 years old as her excuses for not Cracking down on him. MY wife and I are very Much in Love and this is driving a BIG wedge into our Marriage. PS I have tried to treat my Step son like my 2 natural sons. I have been his Little League Baseball coach--Been involved with his School activities and Sports and have fixed numerous Broken Toys over the Years Not to Mention Working on his car when something breaks down on it to Save him Money.
5 Answers
- julesl68Lv 51 decade agoFavorite Answer
No, it's time for Junior to go. Give him a reasonable date in which he needs to relocate, with or without your wife's blessing. Stick to it. If the date approaches and he is not out of there, then physically get him out by whatever means necessary, whether that is putting his stuff out by the curb, calling for a police escort, or whatever. It is time to aggressively do what needs to be done to save your marriage (and your sanity!), which is more important than this 20 year old man who is obviously able to support himself. You are not going anywhere, this is your house and your wife. In addition, all funding for this kid has to stop. Set up your own checking account if needed to ensure bills are paid, but extra is under your control. Hopefully, your wife will agree that the marriage is more important too. Now, here is where I might insert counseling into this whole mix. Ed, this is going to be difficult, but do not give up the fight!!
*edit*: Ed, I know you love this kid. This isn't just about you and your wife, either. It's about doing what is in this kid's best interests. He needs to learn how to function in the "real" world, and he's not going to be able to do that as long as his Mother is doing everything for him. This is going to be "tough love" for everyone, but it MUST be done. Stay strong!
- Anonymous1 decade ago
I would a least sit her down and say he has until he is 21 to move out or he will help with the chores and pay for rent. I would make up a lease for him to sign. Or maybe ask her if she would like all your kids move back and walk all over the two of you. If she is not willing to talk with just you then try counseling. If you have tried everything then maybe yoy will have to go your own way. Marriages are a give and take and it seem your have been giving and she isn't. Good luck!
- Anonymous1 decade ago
You can't baby a grown up forever. He's taking advantage of the situation and needs to go. I would say it is okay for him to live at home IF he was going to college or he was working with the intent to save money to move out on on to the real world and as long as he was being responsible. I have ancousin in law who was 'protected' by his mother... he is now 33 years old, has no high school diploma or GED, doesn't work and can't keep a job when he does find one, is too lazy to get a divers license and has mom drive him everywhere AND gets money from his mom. It makes me sick.
Time for someone to go. Either the kid or the wife.
- 1 decade ago
The trend these days is really amazing. I have 3 step-siblings and they all lived at home (rent/chore free) until they were well over 21. I can't believe my Dad allowed it! But I guess when you love someone you take the good, the bad, and the ugly. Now my Dad is in debt up to his eyeballs and my stepmom can't understand why. Go figure. All I can say is Good Luck! I wish you all the best no matter what you decide!!!
