My first fantasy book, Do you like the plot?

holy crap do you expect anybody to actually read that huge post of yours? its like a wall of text...you should make it briefer.

anyway i read whatever i could, and i think:

>the title could be a lot better, or less corny then Lost Paradise: legend of the whatever. that makes it sound like the generic fantasy series when you said you wanted to make it mature and deep. make it sweet and simple, (instantly makes your title sound more sophisticated) like Legend or Paradise

>I like the Anaki part i thought that was well done. similar ideas come out but not as well handled as yours.

>you didn't actually write out a plot, its more like one huge background and character information. you've established dakara, civil war, humans, different races, characters, but you didn't write what they're going to be doing.

>just an idea, but you could make the nosfir the demons or something, and they converted all the anaki. just a thought.

>in-depth characters but i didn't get past the first one. i'm sure itll come out better in a book though, with better development and not all at once.

>but you have too many 'heroes', macho secretive, noble beings who lived a life of hardship. you need an oily, slimy weasel who can bring some humor in or add the moral-less factor in. you need a villain too, but that problem is related to the plot.

anyway, good story and looks like you did a lot of work. look foward to reading that book!

What exactly IS the plot? This reads like a laundry list of dungeons and dragons stuff. This is more like the outlines I get from game writers than novelists. You have a list of races and characters, but I have no idea what the story is actually about.