she says im harrassing her, what should i do?

Maintain professionalism. Nothing more.

You only contacted her twice, and the second time it was in response to her indiscretion? That is not harassment. She is way overreacting. If she was a rational person, she would not have brought the question up in front of the person you wished not to hear. You did what any person would do in this situation, I think you dealt with it professionally and maturely. Don't contact her again, it will just get worse. As for being in the same office, don't worry about it. You have nothing to be ashamed of, she is the one who should be ashamed to face you. If she brings it up again, just calmly say you are sorry if you offended her, but she was wrong to do what she did. If she keeps on, just let it go. It sucks, but just be the better person.

Well, she sounds like a weirdo and pretty immature.... I guess I'd just turn really cold towards her, say "good morning" probably if you run into her on the hallway but avoid any further conversation with her, verbally or in writing. She obvisouly isn't ready to handle professional issues maturely and you shouldn't involve yourself with her if you can avoid it. If she tries to contact you again via mail or talk to you, avoid the conversation/contact and if she asks why you're avoiding her just tell her that you don't want to make her feel harrassed anymore so you're respecting her wishes of keeping your distance.

I agree with the other answers. Her response to you was merely a defensive reaction because she knows she was in the wrong. Maintain your level of professionalism and do not contact her again. If you think taking it up with HR, just to make note of the occurence, you might want to do that. If she goes to HR before you do, you're put in the position of being on the defensive. If you report it before she does, then she's got no leg to stand on, especially if you keep your emails and can prove you're not harassing her.

Hi Wally, Have you ever read the book 'Women are from Venus Men are from Mars? In it it explains the differences in the mechanics of how a woman's mind works compared to a man. Your letter does not say that what you broached as the sore subject with your female colleague was confidential so as the subject was about your group circle (not forgetting that they're her friends too) she tried to resolve it herself. From a woman's way of thinking perfectly logical! By taking the action you have chosen to adopt you may have shot yourself in the foot by ostracising yourself from your group. Be humble enough to present your case in front of all the group or suggest a get together after work down the local.

Depending on what the problem is, you should take it to a higher-up. It's obviously affecting your work, the last thing you want to happen would be to put your job in jepordy with a harrassment charger. The first poster is right, you have to maintain professionalism.

You've acted out of line in a variety of ways:

Wanting to discuss a problem with her outside of work.

Asking her to discuss a problem about coworkers.

E-mailing her, confronting her on something she said.

You are perpetuating office drama here, and you'd better grow up and straighten out, or you'll find yourself looking for a new job.

yes... behave professionally.

Other than that, the only thing I can think of is put in a well-worded, non-accusing letter with your Personell manager. Stick to the facts. If your colleague is squawking "harasssment" then it's possible she'll lodge a complaint.

Behave professionally, and keep your distance from her.

Celeste is right