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Funny Funny Funny?
It's not what you say it's the way that you say it............
To help you to forget your everyday problems and read how others put their thoughts into words...... these are genuine clips from council complaint letters.
1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.
3. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.
4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
5. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle, very badly,when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
6. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
7. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off
8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
9. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it, yesterday, and now she is pregnant.
11. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
12. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.
13. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
14. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
15. Will you please send a man to look at my water; it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
16. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
17. I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his **** wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.
18. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
19. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.
20. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
21. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
22. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times, but I still have no satisfaction.
23. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2
14 Answers
- Shawanna WLv 41 decade agoFavorite Answer
funny stuff
1. Don't let worry kill you - let the church help.
2. Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
4. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
5. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
6. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
7. Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
8. Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.
9. Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his study.
10. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
11. The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
12. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.
13. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
14. A bean supper well be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
15. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
16. The Reverend Merriweather spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
17. The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7:00 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
18. During the absence of our pastor we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Scubbs supplied our pulpit.
19. With a smile on his face, the pastor listened as the church choir sang the traditional hymn, "How Great Thou Art", as the rather large casket of the over 500 pound parishioner was wheeled out of the church. (submitted by Michael J. Lee, Website, Email)
20. Following this morning's message will be a pubic profession of faith. (submitted by Rick Moore, Website, Email)
21. The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
22. Weight Watchers will meet at 7:00 pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
23. The Associate minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday - "I upped my pledge - up yours!"
24. A song listed in the Church Bulletin at the Nazarene Church in Little Rock, Arkansas; in connection with a sermon on God's mantle..."Let's God Mangle Fall on Me." (submitted by Luella Long)
25. Next Sunday, Mrs. Vinson will be the soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
26. The choir will meet at the Larsen home for fun and sinning.
27. A song fest was hell at the Methodist Church Wednesday.
28. The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
29. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on Oct. 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in school days.
30. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say, "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
31. Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
32. The concert held in the Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell on her.
33. Today, Christian Youth Fellowship House Sexuality Course, 1pm-8pm. Please park in the rear parking lot for this activity.
34. Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All"
35. The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Green who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.
36. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
37. The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
38. Evening massage -- 6 p.m.
39. The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
40. The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
41. Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.
42. Ushers will eat latecomers.
43. The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
44. Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir.
45. 22 members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, 'The Lord Knows Why.'
46. The 1997 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
47. Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to Church secretary.
48. 8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some of the older ones.
49. Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.
50. Removed by request.
- Anonymous5 years ago
Bit Cruel And Funny Abit.
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- 1 decade ago
that was cute, i didnt get some off them the first time, but the second time i did.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
WOW. that is hilarious. very funny.
thanks for the laugh
Hre is your star
