Do you have or have you had a selfish spouse?

Selfishness is a trait.

There are different levels of selfishness.

Until a person realizes their selfishness .. they rarely change because it is all about them-them-them ... and that is how they like it.

To make it change .. you will have to get their attention - which may not be an easy task. You may have to get tuff - in order to let them know you are serious.

Consider your options.

You can try to make them realize their selfisheness .. and try to get them to stop it.

If they won't stop it ... they you will either have to live with it .. or leave.

A little more info would be helpful.

My husband will admit that he's selfish. The kind of selfish where, if he wants it, he gets it, no matter what. Silly man tries to encourage me to be the same, and I've tried but all I got was a very guilty feeling.

I blame his mother for him being that way to begin with. He was an only adopted child who's adoptive father died when he was 7, and she felt guilty because he didn't have a dad. So she tried to make up for it with "stuff". It caused a lot of problems for us because if I told him we couldn't afford something, he went to Mama who gladly got him what he wanted. Nearly drove me out of my mind. It's not easy living with someone like that, but I decided the alternative was worse. At 53, overweight and undereducated (meaning I don't have certification or a degree in anything), I don't relish the idea of being alone and I have 23 years invested in this marriage. I know he loves me, and he does take care of me, so I overlook a lot of the stuff he does. But when it's jeopardizing our finances, I explode. I took his credit card away from him because of his latest purchase. No more charging for him!!

I've said all that to point out that sometimes there is a underlying cause for the selfish behavior and the getting stuff is a way to soothe that cause. Maybe if you can find the root of his behavior, you can find a way to deal with it. Try talking to him and letting him know how you feel. Let him know how his behavior is affecting you and that you want to find a solution that's amicable for both of you.

Good Luck

Selfish how? "I won't share my M&M's with you because they're my favorite and I savor every one" selfish? Or is it more like "The entire universe revolves around me and if you don't give in to my every whim or demand I will make your life a living hell" selfish? If it's the latter, the answer is yes---I did live with a man like that for about a year and then I ran the hell out of there. My husband was married to a woman like that for about 18 years before he got his jail break! Love is give and take---there is no room for selfishness.

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It's not going to get better. U cant change a person.

I do, but I just let her do her own thing

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