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Ladies 40 or over, got a relationship question for ya. .? Why do I feel guilty for dumping him?
I was dating a man for about a year, he is 43, I'm 44. We were close friends a while back & we ran into each other last year. I started seeing red flags within 2 months, (it was like a bait & switch) he was using drugs, and I broke things off but remained a friend. He seems to have gotten himself together as that goes, but I don't live with him so who knows for sure. He's a nice guy and I know he loves me, but he's so incredibly needy, he calls me constantly (not uncommon to get 10 calls a day--it drives me nuts!!), acts like he can't do anything independently. He was looking for a job recently, & he acted like I was his personal secretary. Then when he comes over he's like a dog in heat, I guess cause I'm not feeling it, it bothers me that he paws at me constantly. Tried to tell him I don't feel the same way he does, he's hurt & disappointed me quite a bit along the way. I can't seem to move past my fear that he will use again. Finally I stopped answering his calls all together.
5 Answers
- wrathofkahn03Lv 51 decade agoFavorite Answer
how can you say he seems to have gotten himself together when he calls you at least ten times a day all needy and dependent....what person has it together with those traits? break it off with him...you are being sexually harrassed and and you are guitly about not being with him....wake up and smell the needy loser he actually is...
- 1 decade ago
Be CLEAR - Tell him directly that you are not interested in a "relationship" as a girlfriend.
Let him know you worry about him using drugs and don't want to hurt him, but that he is responsible for himself and Let BOTH HIM AND YOU know that you can't hold yourself responsible for his actions.
Don't take his calls at work, it is unprofessional and you can use that as a reason.
- 1 decade ago
You know, I heard some great advice today. It just clicked with me.
Someone said "I feel guilty because...."
Well, to make a long story short; the jest was that you can not feel bad, nor guilty for protecting yourself. There is something wrong with people who do not protect themselves. Not sure if this will ring a bell with you...but it sure did with me. I felt guilty for many, many, years for distancing myself from an alcoholic father. I still know that it was either me or him. (my mother died when I was 7) I was just a little girl at the time. I have felt guilty for years. Somehow, just that statement that I heard today...put it in prospective. I hope it helps you.
Remember...there is something "wrong" with you...if you don't "protect yourself."
- Anonymous1 decade ago
others are right, dont lead him on by helping with a job etc, you gotta break it off...clean and quick
