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Atheist vs Bear?
An atheist was walking through the woods.
"What majestic trees"!
"What powerful rivers"!
"What beautiful animals"!
He said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him.
He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right On top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant the Atheist cried out, "Oh my God!"
Time Stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was still.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. "You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident." "Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer"?
The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps You could make the BEAR a Christian"?
"Very Well," said the Voice.
The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:
"Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen."
13 Answers
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Ha ha ha!!! xD
Excellent one! Really made me LOL! xD
Have a star! *
- ?Lv 45 years ago
"and FYI, copy and pasting a list of "famous" atheists off of wikipedia or some other liberal site, is not considered an argument" You mean like you just did? If you're going to be a hypocrite about everything then why are even asking this? You know very well that there are many Atheists that have been successful in the past. If you don't then you are an extremely ignorant person. How can you say that Richard Dawkins doesn't count when he's had success in selling his books? You're just canceling him out because you know he's an Atheist AND successful. There are thousands, possibly millions, of Atheists who have successful jobs and a successful life. Dan Barker, a leading Atheist in America, is in charge of Freethought Radio and the Freedom From Religion Foundation. He attends conventions around the world and makes speeches. He has recorded over 200 songs, plays the piano, and is a successful, happy, individual. Any music artists that are Atheists have been successful. Any artists that are Atheists have been successful. Any engineers or marines or scientists or computer softward programmers are successful. Jodie Foster is an atheist. She's done pretty well in the acting business, I shall say. So are other actors like Jack Nicholson, Hugh Laurie, and Katharine Hepburn. Larry King is Agnostic. Who's to say that he isn't successful? Or Charles Darwin? Mark Twain? Sigmund Freud? You can sit there and come up with all the excuses that you want, like you're clearly doing every time someone mentions successful Atheists or Agnostics (and more than likely you'll do the same to me), but it doesn't erase the fact that there were successful people, in history and in today's modern society. "I clearly said no copy and pasting. Plus, I haven't even heard of 80% of the people on that list. For all I know you could be making the whole thing up." Ah, so you can copy and paste Theists but others can't copy and paste Atheists, which is, by the way, what you wanted? You make no sense. You want answers and when people give them to you, you claim the "I've never heard of them" argument. Typical. You're just here to start an argument and win. But you won't let anyone give a chance to write before you go off on how wrong they are. And half of it is because you don't agree. You're just a whiner.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Hur hur, that bear done get him good.
Seriously, this joke is bad - "Oh my god" does not imply belief in a deity, especially a specific one any more than "Well f*ck me" means literally do me here and now.
On top of the figurative/literal fiasco, why the hell would said atheist ask for the bear to be made a Christian? Does he for some reason think that it would make it less aggressive?
- Anonymous1 decade ago
A new and better version of a joke I heard years ago - excellent!
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- Anonymous1 decade ago
hahahahaha
