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I was molested as a child and dateraped as an adult and I am having intamacy issues..?
Ok as a a child- 4 years old- I was molested over several months by a neighbor. As a pree-teen- 12 years old- an uncle kissed me (NOT A PECK ON THE CHEEK, there were deffinate intentions on his part as he woke me up and took me out of the room I was in with my cousin). I barely dated in junior and senior high and I blocked the molestation out until I was 18. I was involved with a guy who there was no possibility of a relationship with, but we "messed around" a bit when I was confortable enough. I slept with him for the first time when I was 26 (I consider that to be when I lost my virginity). I have never really dated much, but I started wading out in those waters and at 30 I was date raped on my first date with one guy. I am 36 now and I rarely date. For the most part, there are just "hook-ups" with no real possibilities for anything else. I am closed off to a relationship it seems and I don't get the physical gratification either (never had an orgasm). I have gone through therapy...
But the fact is, I didn't get any help from that (probably 10 different therapists over the years). I don't keep myself up that well, I have put on weight, probably subconsciously thinking it would keep the men away.
But I want this to end. I want to find the right guy, but it's very difficult. When you tell them you've been raped or that you have never had an orgasm they take it as a challange or something. I have been told there are "exercises" that can help you "feel" again (sexually that is) and I was wondering if anyone out there knew what those exercises are, or a good place to find them or some good books. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks
4 Answers
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
ok lots of stuff to post here but ok. First, your intimacy issues are normal coping skills for what has happened to you in the past your physcial pain may have healed but your emotional pain has not for this I would seek counseling check your local rape crisis center or if you dont have one check your battered women shelter or program. I know you said you have had therepy but you have to keep seeking out emotinal support especially when you are closed off yourself from meaningful relationships.
Next the big O question much of that needs to be solved on your own first I too was molested as a child and didnt have my first O until I was 30. Most of that is because I couldnt relax I didnt even know what they were until I found one on my own ne way email me for more info
Source(s): I am a Pure Romance Consultant was a Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence Advocate for over 10 years. See my profile for more info. - mumblingoutloudLv 41 decade ago
I sympathize with what happened to you, but you have to start taking control of your life. You are 36 years old and not getting any younger. Stop treating yourself as a victim. You are not the only person that had bad things happen to them when they were a kid.
My closest friend was in a car accident as a child and watched his mother die after his father had died on impact. He has done very well for himself although the odds seemed against him. Was his trauma any less than yours?
I know it's hard to hear, but you have to stop blaming your life on others. A different approach to therapy might be the answer. Working on self-esteem issues might be a first step. Your past isn't going to change, but how you deal with it can.
Good luck, honey. There is somebody out there who can make you happy, but you'll never find him until you let go of the past.
- 1 decade ago
I feel for you...
I've was sexually abused as a child, and this also caused problems in my previous relationships. But I can tell you, don't ever date a man who doesn't act like they care when you tell them about your past, or one that is in-considerate.
As for the information on feeling more sexual:
Go to IVillage.com then at the top of the page to the right click the "love section" then to the left there will be a "sex" section in the pink box. And then there's even an "orgasm" section for you!
there are TONS of articles on eeeeeeverything.
you can learn how to not only achieve orgasms, but multiple ones. These things you can do on your own, you don't even need a man to practice! Its the best place for you, and any other woman to learn more about themselves sexually without it being explicit.
Good luck....
