What do you say to a dying person who asks you, "why me?"?

tell them it was their time

everyone has their time to go its natural

then hug them (:

That's one of the five stages of grief, the why me stage; and really all you can do is commiserate. Everyone has to go sometime but it is harder to know WHEN, that's for sure. I thought my time was up in 1998 when I was diagnosed wtih Stage III Uterine cancer and the nurse told me after she looked at my "pictures" that if I had waited one more year I would have been dead, all that because I skipped one year of PAP smears. More to it, of course, but that was really bad and to tell you the truth I was less afraid of death than I was of the surgery.

Anyway, get your friend a book on NDEs; Near Death Experiences; it will help a lot as these are all confirmed reports from people, of all ages all over the world who have literally died and revived and gotten a glimpse of what lies beyond. One I can recommend is Into the Light by Betty Eadie.

Here are the five stages of grief based on the Kubler Ross model:

Enumeration of stages

The stages are:

Denial: "It can't be happening."

Anger: "Why me? It's not fair."

Bargaining: "Just let me live to see my children graduate."

Depression: "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"

Acceptance: "It's going to be OK."

I was a nurse for 20+ years and assisted with the care of many that were passing –and that was just what it felt like. Like they were passing to another realm. Poof, they’re here one moment, and gone the next. Leaving just an empty shell –lifeless clay like figure that but for breath had life. I understood this, and on occasion when asked what I thought would say –we will all reach that point of our human existence at one time or another, but I would explain that I didn’t believe that this is all there was to our being. I believe there is more to our lives. That we go on after we pass from this existence to see and experience more. We are part of LIFE we express it and it cannot be extinguished. Well, I won't get into all of the particulars now . But this reasoning seemed to bring them a bit of peace and gave them something to think about.

When my dad was dying with lung cancer he never asked me or my mom that question all he wanted to know was when Jesus would come for him because he was so tired. My mom told him he must have something else that had to be taken care of. The thing my dad had to take care of was to reconcile with my brother. My brother came to hospice to see my dad after 15 years of not speaking to my parents and my dad died the following day. It's true Gods timing is perfect.

I guess we don't know why things happen so if someone were to ask me that I honestly could only say I don't know why.

This queation is unanswerable. You could blame it a a vengful god or you could use it as proof of a lack of a loving god. either way how you decide to answer this question can make a big diference in the dying person's remaining time. i couldnt possibly imagine being the dying person or the person trying to answer his question. Tell him that it was just ment to be and its part of gods plan. Beliveing you are dying for a purpose could be easier.

depends on their religious beliefs - not your own - if they ahve a deity - then it could be that that deity wnats them to serve a higher prupose. if they have no religion the it may be that life is unfair or that their lifestyle has brought this about? if they are unsure then ignore religion and focus on the benefits of dying - leaving behind pain, returning to loved ones [ afterlife expereince belief/reincarnation etc?]

otherwise - just say simply, and honesty - lik we all have to do I dont know" and hug them, hold their hands and admit that you'll miss them - but while they're here love them and be with them...

If they have faith in God then tell them they are going to Paradise. I would find comfort in that if I were dying. I heard a saying once "because it had to be somebody". Although I would never say that to a dying person, I always loved that answer and have never asked why me since I heard that.

You give them the book, " Tuesday's With Morrie" by Mitch Albom. It is a true story about a man dying and why he believes we are here on Earth. I recommend it to EVERYONE!

You would say:

"I know I will miss you, but you'll be in a better place with God, in his kingdom. You will fly with the angels and live in the greatest masnion. You will see the light, and then God will take you in. And don't you ever, ever forget, that I will always love you, and never forget you, but just maybe God wants you with him. He has waited until this moment that he can't stand it and wants your soul to come with him in his majestic world. I love you. I will never forget you, and God will always love you. Good-bye, good fellow. i look forward to seeing you in the near future. Good-bye."

To which we all appeal, "May God Bless and Keep You and Yours"

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Do not go gentle into that good night,

Old age should burn and rave at close of day;

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,

Because their words had forked no lightning they

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright

Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,

And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight

Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,

Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

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-- Dylan Thomas, "Do not go gentle into that good night"

There is no why, Fate determines the hour and manner of death, the only control we have is how we greet it. The only positive I can make out of this is that there is a chance before hand to make his/her peace and say goodbyes.