is it normal for a survivor of abuse to start to provoke her future bfs/spouses to actually beat her?

how to stop: counseling.

normal? well, it has been proven that survivors of abuse tend to get drawn to abusive relationships over and over again, unless they know what to avoid and how to avoid it.

seriously, if this is you see a psychiatryst, please, you don't need the cycle to continue.

Actually it is normal. Battered women cope with the beatings by convincing themselves that their husband's love them so much and are so concerned for their safety, that they beat them in order to get them to do things the way they really should be done.

When these women leave and find new boyfriends, if the boyfriend doesn't beat them, they feel that he does not love them intensely enough to beat them into doing what is right.

Women like this need to get professional help to stop this behavior. They need to learn what it is in their past that allowed them to accept this kind of behavior, and how to get over it.

Sometimes survivors think that if they are not in an abusive relationship then you are not in healthy one or they dont love you, and the only way to stop it for the person to relize what they doing.

it is in many cases and it is a behavior that takes years of therapy to undo. She must be re-taught what love means and it will take patience and guidance to even come close to getting through this, depending on how deep the issue goes. I wish you luck and pray you will seek council.

Sadly, yes. Because it has become a way to feel emotional about a person, and it is a learned and practiced behavior.

Often people who suffered abuse have conflicting feelings about their abusers, and sometimes can confuse intense conflict and violence with intense feelings of emotion.

If this is your situation, I strongly recommend therapy -- both to help you with self esteem, recognizing patterns of behavior, and healthier ways of interacting.

No, i do not think this would be normal. But then again, I'm not a survivor of abuse.

Yeah, that is possible.

Tell the bf/spouse to not respond when she asks them to beat her.

i do believe in some cases that is the case, comfort seeks familiarity. my best suggestion is to have a talk with her and make sure she knows You know she is there and that you appreciate that fact. she needs to see affection and attention that is positive, and trust me it will feel foreign and may take a while to accept

Yes, because he/she doesn't know how else to properly experience love, and they've adopted the mentality that they deserve pain.

It's really sad. Therapy is the only answer I can think of...

yeah. She thinks thats all she deserves. Love her try and help her see she's not a worthless piece of crap who deserves to be beat. Thats all we really want to be shown that we're loved.