Trouble with the ladies, too nice, to mean, and everything in between?

Question

I am a naturally nice person, I like to do things for others and treat people with respect. Unfortunately this often comes off as being too nice, being creepy, or being a doormat. 

So I tried to not be myself and be a bit of a jerk. It's how I got my last girlfriend, and we dated for around a year and a half. When it ended, her advice was that when I found someone else, I should just "let myself fall in love" and "not pretend to be aloof and distant and things would work out better".

So would anyone like to help me navigate this paradox? If you're too nice girls aren't interested because you come off like a creeper, but if you're too mean, they'll be attracted to you on some bizzare primal level but at the same time be totally unhappy. So where do you draw the line? Where is the happy medium?

Ladies? Help?

yasmine · Accepted Answer

Let me tell you women dont know what they want! We can be complicated and spoiled and somewhat masochistic and we are a bit selfish because we always want what we dont have. If our hair is curly we spend hours straightening it . If we have straight hair we go out and pay a hundred bucks to get it permed. We are complicated as h--- and I dont blame men for not knowing how to please us. If a guy treats us too well we wonder why he is so submissive and think he might be a loser. If he treats us badly we stick with him but complain to our friends about how miserable we are. I guess the best advice I plan to give my son is: Be a gentleman, act confident even when you are not, appear powerful and stand your ground. Be sweet to your lady but draw the line when she wants to take advantage of you. Love yourself as you are, be clean but not too "pretty"! Respect and romance your woman but do not SUBMIT to her, she will eat you alive!!! And be a tiger in the bedroom! Even when you are not sure of yourself stay cool and confident it is the best defence!

Twilight · Answer

I'm only answering this because Bella pestered me to answer it because she has some bizarre notion that I'm good at giving advice, so, if you are going to listen to anything I say, and it is all horribly wrong, all I can say is...it's her fault.

Here goes:

The trick is to find a woman who actually really fancies you.  Thats a chemistry thing, no amount of being the right guy helps.  That stuff is all good, it will keep a relationship going sweetly, but when it comes to finding one, the last thing you want to do is convince a woman you are worth dating.  That's a losers position from the outset.

Try casually asking women out where you don't have a friendship to lose - friends of friends - preferably in clubs or at least situations where meeting and dating is the norm not the exception.  If she isn't into you, move on until you find someone who clearly demonstrates she is attracted to you, and when you find this, then see how it goes.

Best of luck.

Anonymous · Answer

Joe, you will have heard this advice a million times and ignored it, but it is good advice so here goes..... 

Just be yourself, warts and all.

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Trouble with the ladies, too nice, to mean, and everything in between?

3 Answers