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Check a Latin translation, anyone?
I have written just one verse to a song I composed. Though it is not much, I want to get some honest opinions to see if I am correct in grammar/on the right track:
Nihil sed umbra iam capit memoriam mortuam
Amoris quem dederam dum spem habueram.
Ergo quam tristis sum, si modo interdum!
(Nothing but shadow now grips a dead memory
Of the love that I had given when I had hope.
Therefore, how sad am I, if only occasionally!)
Thanks much – multas gratias!
Post scriptum: I am especially interested in my use of the pluperfect. I cite "Olim in lacus" from "Carmina Burana" as my inspiration for that construct, but I want to make sure it works. (You know, "Olim in lacus colueram, ubi cignus fueram....")
2 Answers
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Your pluperfect looks good to me, you are very brave to write it in latin. On first looks I wasn't sure about the interdum, is there no other word that would make more sense?
PS. I sang Carmina Burana, it is a brilliant work!
Edit: I see that interdum is the best one, there is only raro or nonnunquam but they don't really fit. There is also passim or identidem, but gah! Forget I mentioned it :D
- DianaLv 71 decade ago
It looks fine to me; just a couple of comments:
You don't want to use 'ubi' for 'when'? I like 'dum' as 'while' and I don't think the verb would have to be in the subjunctive because it's describing a factual state of mind in the past.
I will *never* understand the subtleties of Latin tenses! Your pluperfect seems right, and if CB uses it, go for it!
EDIT: Never mind: 'interdum' is fine. It just looked odd at the end of a line.
