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Critique for my poem??????
He chose me
now thats just effing silly
he could have anyone, really
just wait and see
the first time we went out
i was always sad
as you could tell, it was bad
the second time, i still had some doubts
i wonder what your thinking,
you always say nothing
i think your bluffing
it felt like we were sinking
thats all the past
i'll tell you about now
wow
its going fast
Do you agree?
I'm still paranoid
you still get annoyed
but i know you like me
It's weird writing for someone
Normally i write for writing
oh well it's something new, something exciting
don't show this to just anyone
love you baby
(i realize it's not good, but i just wrote it about 5 minutes ago, meaning at 4 in the morning, so help me fix it please, or it totally hopeless??)
3 Answers
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
R U RETARDED?????
*
9
- 1 decade ago
.well, its a nice one..
for me, there's no need of fixing it..just adding some more..i think.. u know..when u wrote something especially for someone..ur hand and mind works that means u just write continously thats why..
anyways..keep up;/ its an ode
- 1 decade ago
it's nice, simple, but nice. i think you should change this verse...
wonder what your thinking,
you always say nothing
i think your bluffing
it felt like we were sinking.
change "nothing" to something that matches a little more, if not then change bluffing.
good work..