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Kelsea R asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 decade ago

Critique for my poem??????

He chose me

now thats just effing silly

he could have anyone, really

just wait and see

the first time we went out

i was always sad

as you could tell, it was bad

the second time, i still had some doubts

i wonder what your thinking,

you always say nothing

i think your bluffing

it felt like we were sinking

thats all the past

i'll tell you about now

wow

its going fast

Do you agree?

I'm still paranoid

you still get annoyed

but i know you like me

It's weird writing for someone

Normally i write for writing

oh well it's something new, something exciting

don't show this to just anyone

love you baby

(i realize it's not good, but i just wrote it about 5 minutes ago, meaning at 4 in the morning, so help me fix it please, or it totally hopeless??)

3 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    R U RETARDED?????

    *

    9

  • 1 decade ago

    .well, its a nice one..

    for me, there's no need of fixing it..just adding some more..i think.. u know..when u wrote something especially for someone..ur hand and mind works that means u just write continously thats why..

    anyways..keep up;/ its an ode

  • 1 decade ago

    it's nice, simple, but nice. i think you should change this verse...

    wonder what your thinking,

    you always say nothing

    i think your bluffing

    it felt like we were sinking.

    change "nothing" to something that matches a little more, if not then change bluffing.

    good work..

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