What is the funniest joke ever?

Okay first off, that Clinton joke was one of the most stupidest jokes ever, no offense. And I have a couple good jokes.

I LUVVV THIS ONE!!!

What Is Politics?

Son: Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?

Father: Sure, son. What's the question?

Son: What is politics?

Father: Well, let's take our home for example. I am the wage earner, so let's call me “Tony Blair.” Your mother is the administrator of money, so we'll call her “Gordon Brown.” We take care of your needs, so we'll call you “the People.” We'll call the maid “the Working Class,” and your baby brother we can call “the Future.” Do you understand, son?

Son: I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it.

That night, awakened by his baby brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep. The next morning he reported to his father.

Son: Dad, now I think I understand what politics is.

Father: Good, son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?

Son: Well, dad, while Tony Blair is screwing the Working Class, Gordon Brown is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of ****.

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says, “Hello.” He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, ”Do you know me?” To which she

replies, “I think you're the father of one of my kids.”Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says,”My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt

with wet celery???” She looks into his eyes and says calmly, “No, I’m your son's teacher.”

A blonde phones her boyfriend and says, 'Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started.'

Her boyfriend asks, 'What is it supposed to be when it's finished?'

The blonde says, 'According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster.'

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle pieces spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

'First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.'

He takes her hand and says, 'Second , I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then ..' he said with a deep sigh, .. .. ... . . .

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'Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box..'

This is by far, the funniest joke I have ever heard...

An elderly couple had been dating each other for 30 years and, at the urging of their friends and family, the finally decided it was time to get married. But first, they agreed they should work out the details of how their marriage was going to be, as to avoid any let downs or misunderstandings.

So the older couple went out to a nice dinner and had a long conversation about how their marriage is going to work. They discussed living arrangements, finances and other important stuff. Finally, the older gentleman decided it was time to bring up the subject of their physical relationship.

“How do you feel about sex?” he asked, rather trustingly yet intrigued.

“Well,” she said, trying to choose her words carefully, “I’d have to say… I would like it infrequently.”

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, then over his glasses, he looked her in the eye and casually asked… “Is that one word or two?”

this is the best =]

A couple walked into a tourist shop in Jamaica. The Jamaican said to them, I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. “Dey makes you wild at sex.”

Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn’t need them, being the sex God he was.

The husband asked the man, “How could sandals make you into a sex freak?” The Jamaican replied, “Just try dem on, Mon.” So, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn’t seen in many years! In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican’s hips.

The Jamaican then began screaming, “You got dem on the de wrong feet man! You got dem on de wrong feet!”

=]

A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"

"Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"

"The tombstone back there said... 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"

If you consider that that is the funniest joke you have ever heard I sure to hell am not gonna waste my time or best jokes on you. Sorry.

the funniest joke ive ever heard is some of the blonde jokes. i love them :)

hard to choose but here are alot of jokes for your viewing pleasure

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AlWo4...

okay your clintion joke was horrible worst ive ever heard

The head pharmacist goes out to lunch leaving the assistant pharmacist in charge.When the head pharmacist returns from lunch he notices a man leaning against the wall.He asked the assistant what was wrong with the man leaning against the wall over there.The assistant pharmacist says,"Oh that guy.Oh yeah he came in a little while ago with a really bad cough so I sold him a laxative.He seems to be doing ok now..... I guess." The head pharmacist says,"Are you crazy?? You can't sell a laxative to someone who has a bad cough like that!?" The assistant pharmacist says "Well why not?? Look at him over there! Its working! He's too scared to cough now!!....."

An old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"

He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"

The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful."

a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady.he says to her boy u have a big butt...she goes...why you.....and starts smacking him around.he goes in the mens room...fixes him self up....combs/fixes his hair.....straightens out his glasses...puts his teeth back in etc. He goes back and sits beside the same lady.He says to her....boy u got small boobs.....she says do i really...hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger.She says how. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off....take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs...she says omg...do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it...it worked on your big butt didnt it...

A bus stops and 2 men get on with really strong accents. They sit down and

have a conversation.

The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,

but all of a sudden when she hears one of them say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two esses acoma together. I

come once-a-more. Two esses, they comma together again. I

come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You dirty-mouth pigs," yelled the lady

.” In this country . . . we don't speak dirty in

public places about our sex lives. . . "

"Hey, relax lady whats sa-matter for you?," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta

sex?

I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'."

so theres this doctor that did circumcisions.After many years he decides its time to retire.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company.He says"Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring." His friend says"Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you."So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets. He says to his friend"wallets!? Is that all i get after all these years!?" His friend says"Relax my friend.You see its not just ordinary wallets. After you rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set.

learn to speak chinese:

1) That's not right ....................... Sum Ting Wong

2) Are you harboring a fugitive?............. Hu Yu Hai Ding

3) See me ASAP................................ Kum Hia Nao

4) Stupid Man ........................... Dum ***

5) Small Horse ......................... Tai Ni Po Ni

6) Did you go to the beach? ............ Wai Yu So Tan

7) I bumped into a coffee table ........ Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni

8) I think you need a face lift ........... Chin Tu Fat

9) It's very dark in here ................. Wao So Dim

10) I thought you were on a diet ........... Wai Yu Mun Ching

11) This is a tow away zone ................ No Pah King

12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week ... Wai Yu Kum Nao

13) Staying out of sight ................ Lei Ying Lo

14) He's cleaning his automobile .......... Wa Shing Ka

15) Your body odor is offensive ........... Yu Stin Ki Pu

16) Great .................................. Fa Kin Su Pah

There were these twin sisters just turning one hundred years old in St. Luke's Nursing Home and the editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take the pictures of these 100 year old twin biddies.

One of the twins was hard of hearing but the other could hear quite well.

The photographer asked them to sit on the sofa.

The deaf one said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"

"WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!", said the other.

"Now get a little closer together", said the cameraman.

Again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"

"HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE".

So, they wiggled up close to each other.

"Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus a little," said the photographer.

Yet again - "WHAT DID HE SAY?"

"HE SAYS HE'S GONNA FOCUS!"

With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, "OH MY GOD - BOTH OF US?

1. Men are like .......Laxatives ..... They irritate the crap out of you.

2. Men are like ......Bananas ...... The older they get, the less firm they

are.

3. Men are like .......Weather ..... Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like .....Blenders ... You need One, but you're not quite sure

why.

5. Men are like .....Chocolate Bars ... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head

right for your hips.

6. Men are like ....Commercials ...... You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like Department Stores .... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

8. Men are like .. Government Bonds ... . They take soooooooo long to

mature.

9. Men are like .. Mascara ..... They usually run at the first sign of

emotion.

10. Men are like ......Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little

while.

11. Men are like .......Lava Lamps ... Fun to look at, but not very bright.

12. Men are like Parking Spots ....... All the good ones are taken, the rest

are handicapped.

I like it, I think its pretty funny