How to curb insecurities?

please dont bring a kid into the world, unless you have COMPLETELY fixed your own life and problems.

Yes, you need counseling, a lot of.

why did you separate to begin with. Why did she think so little of the marriage that she almost immed. sought out another man? If she did it once , she'll do it again.

If she has lost that "in love " feeling , the percentage of people, particularly women, ...is about 5 percent that ever get that back, enough for a marriage to work.

watch out for yourself, totally first, ..and think things through.

You have no reason to trust her and perhaps you should consider, ...statying separated WHILE going to counseling...IF it is going to work, it will. But you may find out alot about yourself, that you didnt even know, while on your own for a bit. good luck

I think the two of you going to a family counselor is definitely a good idea. In fact I would advise you to seeking regular counseling as a couple before getting back together. There are obvious issues with trust that need to be worked out and resolved and it does help to have the input of an impartial 3rd party. Get counseling, get right then consider getting back together because if these issues aren't worked out first it will only make moving to another state and having another child that much tougher on your relationship. Good luck.

The best way to predict someone futher behaviour is to look at their past behaviour. Forget having children just for the sake of thinking it will keep your marriage together. Once trust has been lost in a marriage, it is difficult to regain it back. There is nothing you can do about your feelings because they have been violated. You will never look nor see her the way you once did. maybe you need to stop hoping for something that will never be and start trying to get past this. A counselor may help but if she doesn't want to change then there is no hope.

Forgive me but if she didn't love you enough to keep her vows then she never will. There is no magic nor wishing that can restore what has been lost. Time to stop hanging on.

I would say for you to take your time and symbolically speaking, when you look at your wife, do not look at her as a potentially unfaithful wife but as someone who could have been unfaithful but chose not to. (Did she just date or more?) Live each day not expecting more than you have to from her. Do not expect your trust to 'sprout' back in an instant, have realistic expectations from yourself and take your time, not to forget but to just put it aside, if you can. I know it is not easy to do so but it seems like you wanna give it a shot with the woman you love and who you want another baby with. Counselling is a step in the right direction and as long as you are both attentive towards each other, without ever blaming each other for anything, you are doing good.

It takes effort and patience however, since you think it is worth giving it another shot, it most likely is worth it. Talk your feelings through as this will let her know why you are -perhaps- still a bit distant from her but just need your time. There will always be problems that will seem to break you, but perhaps what sometimes looks like a break might actually be a crack. You can get through this. Just trust the woman you chose to be your wife - all over again, one step at a time. Best of luck to you and God bless.

Counseling will be a good step to help you all repair your marriage. As far as trusting her again and getting over your insecurties will take some counseling and it will take some effort on both of you. She will need to be able end the relationship, friendship and amity between them. I will take her taking the extra efforts that most people do not like to make to ensure to there spouse that they are committed to the relationship. I mean she will have to do some pratical checks and balances(i.e. coming home from work on time, telling you where she is when you need to know, ensuring that she has ended the relationship etc...) You are going have to take ownership. If you have forgiven her, you have to make the committment to forgive her and not always judging her by her past mistakes and begin to see her as the wife you love and are committed to. Its a hard task and it doesnt happen over night and it takes a lot of work to get to the point that you all will be able to trust one another and feel secure in your marriage and commitment to one another.