What would you do in this situation?

Hi,

I cant tell how old you are so it makes the question a bit hard to answer. But I'll try!!

First and most important: It isnt ruining something that is magical and spectacular because of some new guy. Perhaps the idea of wanting to be with the new guy shows you that your current relationship isnt as wonderful as it should be, otherwise there would be very little desire to start something new.

I have someone that is very close to me that is in the military. It is very hard and truly heavy on their shoulders knowing that they may at any time have to leave their loved ones. But it by no means gives them the authority to disrespect or be unfaithful. Boys will be boys but there is a limit to that.

Doesnt it seem weird that he wouldnt ask you to come along or tell you that he was hanging out with mutual friends? Usually when you love someone you WANT them to be there. There are always times where we all want to be independent, but to make up an excuse like they didnt have your phone number seems very odd. HE has your phone number and HE could have told you. That just didnt make ANY sense to me at all. Telling other girls how beautiful they are is not a normal thing when you are dating someone. It is normal for a guy to comment on how hot Angelina Jolie is, but not to personal interaction with other woman to that extent. I am all for indepence. I have friends that are separate from my boyfriend, I go on trips, I have good close male friends. RIGHT ON TO YOU for going to Italy. AMAZING place. And again good on you for being loyal and true. But trust is a huge huge need in relationships. If you cant trust the person it just ruins all the ability to grow closer and grow as an individual.

What I think you should do is tell the boyfriend that it has come to that point where you are not feeling the love that you should be in a relationship that has lasted over 3 years. That's a lot of time to commit to someone only to have it get worse in the end. Tell him you care about him, but you have to take care of yourself as well. Maybe one day paths will cross again and he might have matured a bit to understand his short commings. We love lots of people in life to find out what we are looking for in a eternal partner. It needs to be a partnership and equal on both sides emotionally.

Most women have this preconcieved idea that asking to be treated like a queen is something bad. THATS RIDICULOUS. If you plan on treating your man like a king, why on EARTH would you not want to be treated like a queen. You deserve it, you are not his servant. Women are not here to serve they are here to be partners. Again, dont get me wrong i am not some bra burning hippie from the 60's ... I'm not even 30 yet...I love to cook and love to ensure my sweetheart is happy, but I believe it needs to be recipicated.

I also think that you shouldnt jump into another relationship. Run free, have fun, meet as many people as you can. Travel some more!! Keep all options open. Life is very long, it is your youth that is short and it shouldnt be wasted for one moment. Go on dates make a friend out of this guy, again if it truly something real, then he will wait as long as he needs to.

Coming out of a long relationship is hard. I have done it a couple times and I know it can feel wierd. So long with so much routine with the person, it is hard to break away. But you'll get it and you'll meet someone that will ENSURE that you are one everyone's phone list.

Best of luck to you and be sure to know that you are worth everything and not just something!!!!!!

** clarification** I hold the record for longest question. lol... used 3 details.. lol

I would say dump the old guy. He seems like he could be a bit of a jerk.. Selfish = selfish.

selfish= likely to cheat, b/c they dont think about anyone but themselves.

If you choose to stay with him// give him a taste of his own med. but do it on facebook..since it reports everything you do!. LOL. go comment on some guy..and tell him how hot he is.. of course if your bf is your friend facebook will say.. YOU commented on HOTGUYS photo.. lol.. and if its okay with him.. then you know his remark to the asian girl was innocent. But to me it seems like he shouldnt have been saying anything like that to her since he has a gf.

Give the new guy a shot.. He may not be all that great once you get to know him, but the fact he is suggesting how you should be treated.. and seems genuine..is a clue that maybe he is a good choice..

No matter what you cant lose.. Whether it doesnt work out or not.. at least you know. With the bf.. you will lose the dead weight..

Look, life is way to short not to be happy. So re-examine your first relationship and determine if you want to save it and if he really makes you happy. If not, let him know in a sweet caring way and move on. This other may be the one for you, but only time will tell. But it is never wise to pursue another relationship before ending the first one. Many bad things can come out of this. After talking to your current b/f of three and half years, and determining if he wants to work this out,on not, only then can you move on.Be the bigger person here and talk with him.

Good luck with your choices.

yea, everyone has something they like about someone but it doesnt mean they should go around telling them when they have a girlfriend. he should be spending time telling YOU how beautiful you are. if you feel that he didnt need to post those things to people you should let him know.

i'm an asian girl. im sure us asian girls dont like it either when scumbags with nice girlfriends say things like that.

its degrading and a disgrace to the male population.

you so deserve better than that.

i think you should go for it with the italian guy. he seems perfect for you and actually knows how to treat a woman. don't let a great opportunity like that go.

oh, and your boyfriend sounds like he has some insecurity and overall personality issues. why act so defensive if he has nothing to hide? and keeping you from friends has INSECURITY written all over it.

you dont need a guy like that.

Sorry But the one that you have been with for 3 1/2 years and playing those games on you - that I do not define as a relationship. I think he was using you to get through math and as a filler when there wasnt anyone else around.

You need to understand that - it is NOT - which one - it really is - you deciding how you want to be treated and then you compare anyone that you meet to that. And I dont think you have done that for yourself and until you do every relationship is going to make you unhappy.

Woooow. This is like one of those soap opera stories. But it's true you shouldn't let your current relationship go so soon. After all you guys have been together for over two years. But if you begin to have doubts, then it is wise to confront him about it and talk to your boyfriend. Whatever you guys come to a conclusion with, you will know what to do.

wow this is a very long one.

all i can say is relationship is a two way street.

you can't just be a giver or receiver all the time.

and the important question is with whom do you feel more safe, happy, secure or yourself??

and don't think about how other might feel if you make a decision. this is your life and you have all the rights to make yourself happy with the guy you love most.

I would suggest that you give your current boyfriend some space but most of all give yourself some space. I think the guy in italy should be a friend. I don't think at this moment you know what you want.

This is called infatuation and not love. Mark it down as a nice experience you had and keep it to yourself...it will not work in the long run. Time to come back to the USA for reality and try to get along better with your American man.

Have you tried, and I mean REALLY tried to fix your relationship with your current bf?

If you haven't, I suggest you start. Sit him down and really tell him that you feel like it's ending. See how he reacts and go from there.

If you have and it's just not working and you're unhappy, time to move on. It'll hurt, no doubt about it, but you gotta do what's best for you.